So, based on my last post, and facebook conversations that took place and talking with some amazing ladies, I have realized that pretty much everyone feels this way at one point of another during their time of raising young children.
What a relief.
I don't think that there is any correct answer for what is best for everyone, but that being a good mom and good homemaker is a skill best learned over time with trial and error.
I feel this week has already been easier for me. I have chosen not to beat myself up over the thing I don't accomplish in a day and look at the things I did accomplish.
Yesterday during the Brigham City temple dedication I finally felt the peace I needed about my family, and it was so simple. I have an eternity to get it right. I am grateful everyday for my eternal family no matter how big of small it may be. I worked out a baby-sitting trade with my neighbor to attend the dedication. I watched her kids in the morning and she watched mine child in the afternoon. It worked out just so amazing. I was fretting and nervous the whole week about the behavior my child may have being watched by someone other than family. I was afraid he'd whine and cry the whole time and be a royal pill. Plus I was afraid Rivers would be glued to my leg while I was in the care of the other children. I couldn't have been more wrong. Rivers LOVED playing with the other kids, they climbed and laughed and chased each other. When the neighbors came home after the 9 o'clock dedication Rivers was so worn out that he was ready for naps, and went down easily. He was asleep when Scott and I left to go to the Noon dedication. I dropped the monitor off and warned them that he might be grumpy with a poop when he awoke, and apologized before we left.
I love a good temple dedication!
When we got home Rivers was happy to see us and come home, but he was also so happy to play again with the neighbors. It worked out so well I was almost in shock. He was happy and funny and kept talking about about the kids and the toys. Who knew my kid was so social.
Later that evening we went to a family gathering with Scott's family and he yet again had a blast playing with all his little cousins. He played in the sand, and jumped on the tramp and climbed on swings and slides, he came home yet again pooped and went to sleep easily after a major p=bath since my child was filthy.
I learned a lot this Sunday. When I went to bed with my very messy house I was feeling like a bad mom or homemaker, but rather I felt like the Lord was pleased with me. That I was a good mom, and I have a happy, thriving, family and a pretty nice place.
Needless to say I'm over my bad mom, bad wife, bad homemaker pity party. Sorry.
I've had a rough time this week. See I was under the impression I could do it all, and this week has been a harsh reminder that I can't. See, Once upon a time, I was a girl who looked at her mother in awe. She worked, cleaned, cooked, look in style on a tight budget, and took care of her three children with what I thought was ease. Over the last few years I have learned that she felt she made many, many mistakes. As I look back on my childhood there are times when I agree with her and times when I don't. I think she did the best she could with what she was given. My mother is a saint, who is currently out living it up with my father on a two week vacation to celebrate thier 30th wedding anniverasry. Lucky ducks.
But the question I propose is this. Is it possible to be a good homemaker and a good mother?
I feel like everyday is a battle. I could clean and organize and arrange a home I deem suitable for the family life I want, or I can play and teach my child and enjoy this amazing time of growth and love he has in his life right now.
I have continually chosen the latter, thinking that there would always be time to clean and organize and what-not. Being a mom is hard work.
At the end of most days I want to sit, read magazines, and enjoy the silence that comes from my sleeping child. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt that I should be cleaning up the kitchen, folding the laundry, or cleaning some room in the house. I eventually go to bed with a messy house and just the minimal amount of cleaning done. Plus a sink full of dishes I'll do in the morning after lunch and nap time, like I do every day, before dinner.
Oh dinner, yet another battle I face everyday. As I'm trying to learn to cook, and provide balanced meals for my boys, I get frustrated when things don't turn out and my child will only eat Macaroni and Cheese. I have given up on this battle, but not the war. Rivers eats Mac and Cheese at least once a day. I have found ways to make it healthier, and I always have a veggie on hand for every meal (yes every meal) in case he wants to eat it. Tonight was a good night, which lets me know I haven't lost the war.
Add on top of that all the fun things I want to do for the upcoming holidays, my calling the Young Women, and still finding time to spend with my every busy husband, I feel like I can't be both a good mom and a good homemaker.
So I'd like to open this up to discussion.
What are some ways that you, or your moms or grandmothers, have come up with for finding a balance?
I married a chef. This seemed like a good idea 4 years ago. Had I known how things would turn out I would have paid more attention in the one class of home EC. I took in Jr. High. I think it was a mandatory class, because I don't see myself signing up for that.... On that note, my sweet husband has offered me cooking lessons. I don't expect him to cook. He works so hard at school all day, it doesn't seem fair to take him away from his time with Rivers to make dinner, and let's be honest, I enjoy the break. I go in the kitchen, look some stuff up, realize I don't know what I'm doing, and make something I feel more comfortable with. Like spaghetti, or rice and veggies. (Remember vegetarian for 7 years, still uncomfortable cooking meat). So, for my first lesson, teacher Scott had me make home made chicken noodle soup. I did pretty good, it tasted pretty good, and Scott was an amazing patient teacher. Here are some Pictures:
I made Scott do the dirty work of getting the meat off the bird
Home made Stock!!
It took a few hours for the stock to boil down, but I felt accomplished, and everyone loved it! Ok well Rivers wouldn't touch it and still won't, but now that I know how to make it, maybe he'll eat it in the future. A mom can dream right :)