I've had a rough time this week. See I was under the impression I could do it all, and this week has been a harsh reminder that I can't. See, Once upon a time, I was a girl who looked at her mother in awe. She worked, cleaned, cooked, look in style on a tight budget, and took care of her three children with what I thought was ease. Over the last few years I have learned that she felt she made many, many mistakes. As I look back on my childhood there are times when I agree with her and times when I don't. I think she did the best she could with what she was given. My mother is a saint, who is currently out living it up with my father on a two week vacation to celebrate thier 30th wedding anniverasry. Lucky ducks.
But the question I propose is this. Is it possible to be a good homemaker and a good mother?
I feel like everyday is a battle. I could clean and organize and arrange a home I deem suitable for the family life I want, or I can play and teach my child and enjoy this amazing time of growth and love he has in his life right now.
I have continually chosen the latter, thinking that there would always be time to clean and organize and what-not. Being a mom is hard work.
At the end of most days I want to sit, read magazines, and enjoy the silence that comes from my sleeping child. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt that I should be cleaning up the kitchen, folding the laundry, or cleaning some room in the house. I eventually go to bed with a messy house and just the minimal amount of cleaning done. Plus a sink full of dishes I'll do in the morning after lunch and nap time, like I do every day, before dinner.
Oh dinner, yet another battle I face everyday. As I'm trying to learn to cook, and provide balanced meals for my boys, I get frustrated when things don't turn out and my child will only eat Macaroni and Cheese. I have given up on this battle, but not the war. Rivers eats Mac and Cheese at least once a day. I have found ways to make it healthier, and I always have a veggie on hand for every meal (yes every meal) in case he wants to eat it. Tonight was a good night, which lets me know I haven't lost the war.
Add on top of that all the fun things I want to do for the upcoming holidays, my calling the Young Women, and still finding time to spend with my every busy husband, I feel like I can't be both a good mom and a good homemaker.
So I'd like to open this up to discussion.
What are some ways that you, or your moms or grandmothers, have come up with for finding a balance?
Or is it even possible....
Big * Middle * Little
Just a Blog about my boys, helmets, food and family....
1 comment:
I want to start out by saying that I am not trying to sound...aragont or something. But before I was working from home I think I had finally found a way to do a very good job of balancing...not perfect because I believe that is completely impossible. But a good job of balancing what my family needed.
I'll tell you how I used to do it but first I want to say that I think the specifics depends on you and your family. And so take what I say (whichever parts you like) and try to integrate it into your family.
First and foremost I prefer to error on the side of too much love instead of neglect...that is the biggest thing that drives me. My biggest priority is that Lincoln and Soren get all the love and attention they need. I strongly don't believe in crying it out (well more that 5 minutes of it). And that is one thing that drives me most.
I would get up at 6:30-7 (so no sleeping in) And...throughout the day while I clean or cook or try to take a few minutes by myself, I ALWAYS stop what I am doing when Linc wants attention and I at least tell him (and I did this even when he was too young to understand since they understand more than we realized) that when I finish what I am doing I will play (and then I really do it and try not to take too long) or I stop right then and there and play. Because if there's one thing everyone has told me it's you will always miss those moments and regret not taking them.
Second of all, I used to take 10-15 minutes every hour or two that was just Lincoln time. I would play with him or read or cuddle him...that whole time was his...and that left 45 minutes to 1.5 hours each cycle for me to work on house work or myself in those leftover minutes. It worked well. He felt that he was getting attention and I got things done. Some days I did it every hour and some days he only needed it every three hours. I watched him closely to determine what he needed.
The third thing I used to do that helped was--I made an EXTREMELY organized cleaning calendar (one I will be more that glad to share with you if you want)...one where each day or week or month had specific things and I got certain ones done on certain days. That left my house pretty clean (not clutter free as he does like toys) but deep cleaned regularly. As for the clutter I straightened up the house 3 times a day for 10 minutes (usually after a meal) and THAT did miracles...you would not believe what that little amount of time lets you accomplish!
Then while Lincoln was being bathed by Soren (that was his job) I would hurry and do any last jobs I needed done...and then once we put Lincoln to bed (Ilay with him until he falls asleep because we do not like CIO) it was time for Soren and I to have our alone time or time together whichever we needed...often time we would have a good 3 hours before I would got to bed at 10:30. :-) Granted there were days that things came up and not everything was orderly, but there was a nice balance so it was ok when those days popped up.
So...all that being said...it's not possible to be the perfect housewife and mom. But I think for each family there is a perfect balance that we can strive to find...it all depends on how much your husband needs, how much you need, and how much your children need. And then of course things mess you up (like suddenly having to work from home) and you get to try to find a new way to make it balanced.
I hope you find a good balance and if you learn new tips let me know because I am struggling with working now too...there is just too much to do now and I barely had it organized before and no help :-( Good luck and keep us posted!
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