Not so Good, Very Bad...

I'm having a not so good, very bad... well few months really. Now I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity, just an outlet. I'm just un-happy right now, and it blows!!! And often I feel if I say anything I'm going to make someone or everyone upset. I hate being pregnant! I'm just going to come out and say it even though I feel that to some people by saying it I'm instantly a bad mother. I'm crying right now as I write this because I am posting to the entire world how much growing a child inside of me sucks, and I know that some people who read this are totally judging me right now as a terrible person.

I throw up twice a day.
I fall asleep all the time. (For those who don't know me well, I think sleep is a waste of time)
I haven't cleaned for about 2 1/2 months.
I hate to shower and only do it because I'm still shallow and worry about what other people think of me at the end of the day.
All I want to eat is french fries.
Everything around me stinks.
I have a pinched Sciatic nerve that prevents me from staying asleep.
I hate that I can't watch MTV or VH1 because it's blocked where I'm staying.
I hate how I look, because I have a bloated tummy, and my skin has broken out and I'm too lazy to do my hair.
I hate that I've lost weight, and I can't enjoy it because I should be gaining weight.
I hate my job because I have to walk around carrying almost heavy things all the time.
I hate how moody I am... all the time...
I hate that I have no one to talk to about this...

I want this baby more than anything, I really do, but I don't think I was made fully aware of how much being pregnant sucks. I feel like I am surrounded by cute pregnant girls, with a wondrous pregnancy glow excited to pick out baby clothes, and who don't get gas or indigestion, who's boobs don't feel like they are lugging around rocks, and are just so thrilled to be pregnant. I just want to feel normal again. To be happy and funny and grateful. I'm glad I have Scott because he cares and loves me, he wants to have a strong successful family and really has been my rock when I lie in bed at night crying myself to sleep.
Everyone keeps telling my how much better my second trimester is going to be, but I think that is just in hopes of keeping me from doing anything irrational (is irrational a word?), which let me just say I wouldn't do, so get that thought out of your heads!
I wish it was October already, I had the baby, a place to live, and my own space again.
I also hope I didn't bring anyone down :(
Babies are cute :)

12 Weeks :)

Let it be known that my husband is a terrible photographer!! I love him very much and I'm always proud of him, but I don't think he has ever used a camera in his whole life. With that being said, here are some pictures from my 12 week mark of pregnancy. Now I was concerned that I was showing a bit earlier than I thought, and I was sure this meant my baby was HUGE!! But the doctor (and the many books I've been reading) informed me that I'm short (duh) and with only 6 inches between my last rib bone and my hip bone, there is no where for this little nugget to go, these pictures were taken after dinner, so I'm hoping some of this is food baby related, but I have a nice little bloated bump that I like to pat :). Me and the baby are doing great, my doctor is awesome and tell me all the time how well I'm progressing and how healthy the baby is, which is every mother is always glad to hear.

Here I am concerned that Scott has forgotten all the instructions given to him on how to push a button and take a picture, I'm not standing up straight, so I look bigger than I am.

Take two, cardigan off, standing up straight, looking thinner and much happier.

I am amazed at how long my hair has gotten!! I'm always been blessed in the hair department, it's thick and dark with lots of volume when I want it, and it has always grown about an inch a month, but man those prenatal vitamins have totally kicked it up a notch! My skin has sadly started to break out, and so have my arms and back, which drives me crazy! Plus the smell of most lotions makes me queasy so I haven't been applying as much lotion as I have pre pregnancy, so my hands and legs are really dry. I got my appetite back this week, so now I'm starving every half hour, but I'm managed to lose 4 lbs by throwing up every morning and usually around dinner time.

Funny story... So last week I went to my brother-in-laws dance recital down at BYU. I was in a car full of Scott extended family when the baby decided that it didn't like it's dinner anymore and after we got off the freeway as we were about to enter Provo, the baby decided to make me blow chunks all over my father-in-laws car. The baby knew we were about to enter Provo and made me sick, this lead me to believe that the baby is a University of Utah fan. I texted my parents about this and my dad causally asked if Max Hall hates my baby. I thought this was too funny. Now I feel an education is and education were ever it is obtained so I'm not forcing my child to go to either school, and I don't want any rivalries on my blog, but I think the baby has made up it's mind.

We had a great check-up with the doctor this week and got to hear my little nuggets heart beat, which was totally awesome, but the little tyke kept moving away from the doctor, making her chase it down again for us to listen. I love my baby, it's already funny. Hearing the heartbeat was the coolest thing ever, and Scott looked so over joyed. I'm so glad he got to be there with me and experience this with me.

We have chosen a few names for mystery child, only I think we may wait until the sex is revealed to disclose that information, some know because it's not a secret, but I like the idea of a surprise to some extent :)

I'm hoping now as I enter my second trimester that I will have more energy and not be as sicky, which I was promised will happen since I am a text book pregnancy. Oh boy... or girl, whatever...

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

So this is going to be a very similar post to last year, because it is yet again my birthday!!! I had a great birthday this year, even though I wasn't as excited about it as I have been in years past, not because I don't like aging, but because I have little desire to leave my bed or bathroom right now, it makes getting excited and planning things a bit difficult. I only managed to take a few pictures, which I mad at, but these are the best pictures if I was going to take any that day.
This picture would not rotate and I was getting so mad at it!! S0 everyone just tilt you heads a bit, and you will see my wonderful hubby Scott. He got up early to wrap my gifts and to make me so breakfast (German Pancakes Yummm). Scott hates to shop for me, because he claims I'm too hard to shop for, which is true, but I always love what he gets me, so he really has no reason to worry

So this is a "Domo" a fun little toy from Asia, and you can collect all 15, out of everything I got this was Scott's favorite gift to give, he will be in every picture, and now lives in my car :)

Here is Domo eating my new book from my favorite author, Scott knows me so well, and I finished my previous book the day before so a new book was a great idea

New book and Domo

I also got some pretty earrings and a new jewelry box. We joked that this will only hold a small amount of jewelery compared to what I own, but it'll be so pretty on my night stand or dresser :)

I am really a spoiled girl, and I really am just fine with that.

My birthday was pretty low key, after breakfast we went to lunch with my Grandparents, and that is always fun, I wish I would have taken a picture with them. Then I got to come home and take a nap, then we watched the Syracuse NCAA game, until it was apparent they weren't going to win even though that was all I wanted for my birthday. After that we we went to Tucano's where I got my free birthday meal, and dessert, they make you stand on the chairs while they sing to you, it was so fun, and I love Tucano's!!! After that we strolled around the mall and did some lite shopping before heading home where I went to bed early. I know boring right, but it felt so nice to just have a relaxing day to sleep and eat.

I got a few other gifts for other people. My parents and Grandma gave me a great set of new pots and pans, which are wayyy nice, my best friend got engaged, and my manager gave me some earrings, and my in laws gave me a movie and some candy (I got a BIG Christmas gift, so a small gift was just right :)). All in all it was a great birthday, and I feel very loved and lucky, and thanks again for all the birthday wishes!

All apologizes

So... Turns out with that last post I was waaayyyyyy off, and I would like to take this time to retract a comment that was made. So... It turns out I AM Pregnant!!!! Only as of February 8th I was unaware even though I had all the signs. Now I'm not super far along, only about 8 weeks, but I was able to get into see my doctor this early, which was a relief to me since they informed me that doctors like to wait until you're 12 weeks, but with mine and my family medical history they wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK. It was really neat, and we got to see the heart beat!!!! Next visit we will be able to hear the heart beat :) The baby is due October 25, which is 7 months from my birthday so I'm totally stoked about that! The baby is 6.5cm and I can already tell is super cute and smart :)



Here is out little Nugget!! So I'm not sure how to really make this work, so this is a picture of a picture, I know you computer geeks out there would totally be able to make this much better, but I'm just not one of you, although I do envy you and want to be one, maybe, someday...

Being Pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be. So I started out fine, just a bit more tired than usual, in wondering awe at all the insane changes to my body, then I started my 7th week, where I threw up everything I ate, or even thought about eating. All food tastes like blood and/or vomit. Now I have been trying to be sensitive to those ladies out there who can have babies, and would love to feel this way, but at the end of the day, at this stage anyway, the bads often out weigh the goods. I pee all the time, I'm dizzy (worried about that, doc says it's all good), I cry over everything which I hate, I'm forgetful, and moody... it's like an amped up PMS really, only with all day sickness and actually getting fat rather than just looking bloated for a few days. My boobs are huge, I'm bordering on porn star here. My face broke out, tooth paste makes me hurl, I can't stand tight clothes, or shoes, and those who have known I was pregnant before now always want details. I'm not talking about my visit to the OB/GYN with anyone but my mom and my husband thank you very much!! But I'm still trying to be sensitive to those still trying, so this will be my only rant on the trials of pregnancy, it just feels good to get it out of my system. Anyone who is offended please wait to tell me until after the baby is here about, oh, a year or so since I can't control to water works I'll be sobbing too much to apologize.

Here I am at 6 weeks, and my wonderful, loving husband, who only wanted to play piano and not take a decent picture of his wife, played photog here, hence why I look like I'm lined up to be shot. This was the best picture he took. Good thing I've got many more week for him to practice. But like I said I only look slightly bloated. All my clothes fit, and I've found some cool things like bra extenders, and belly bands which are to help keep me in my "normal" clothes longer so I don't have to buy maternity clothes as early.

I am super excited to be a mommy, and I know that Scotty is going to be the best daddy ever.
He has been so excited since he found out, and has worked hard to make me feel better and comfortable. On the plus side when I saw my doctor she gave me a prescription for some drugs to help with the throw ups, which has been a huge life saver and helped me work. I am exploring all my options in the labor/delivery process. I'm a hippie by nature, I want whats best for me, and my baby, not what everyone else thinks will be best. I will read books, only from those with a non-bias point of view if you feel so inclined to add your two cents :) and I don't mind doing laundry, so cloth diapers (for at home not for when others have to deal with it) are also on the table (look into it saves money and no diaper rash!!).

I can't believe how much my life is changing, the same day I saw my baby for the first time I also went to help my best friend look for wedding dresses. I still feel half the time like I'm still in high school trying to fit in, and somehow I have a whole grown up life going on. I am excited for these changes in my life. It all just makes me feel old.

Well I have to pee, so I'm going to end here :)

Update!!

So for those of you who aren't aware, Scott and I have been living with his parents since November. Scott and I both have decent jobs, and a lot of nice things, way more than we need, and the decision to move in to his parents home was a hard one for me. Scott and I were at Subway one afternoon, and we've been talking about having kids, and when we wanted to start a family, plus we knew our lease for our apartment would be up soon. Now Scott and I have never had a problem paying bills, we just weren't getting ahead, we were paying the minimum amount due, and just stuck in a rut. Our Jeep and Altima broke down and we were bus bound, and when Scott first said "Maybe we could move in with one of our parents?" My first thought was, "Are you crazy!?!" I take pride in the fact that I have been taking care of myself since I was about 16, and beside my parents house is way too small. That afternoon Scott called his parents, and October 31 we moved in (plus our landlord raised our rent to a ridiculous amount). Now I have struggled a bit living with Scott's family, I try to make sure I shower later, so if I take a longer shower no one is bothered, and that I get up after Kyle, (still in high school) but early still before Allison (about to go away for school.. well she's left by now, but at the time she went to work after me) needed to use the bathroom. I just wanted to be as out of the way as possible, I wanted to be invisible. Scott didn't seem to mind, but this is his family. I also found that I don't watch as much TV, and I'm less messy. I'm not a social as I was when we lived alone either.
Now the best part of my story is still to come. We paid off the Jeep, almost sold the Altima (which was a free car to begin with, only wanted what we put into it), bought a new, nice, reliable car. Paid off both credit cards, the debit I had with Target and Kay jewelers (Scott wedding band, I got way behind and charged a ton of interest, oops) and made bigger payments so far on the new car. Plus we started saving, ready for this, $200.00 a month so we can either A.) Payoff baby bills when we have a baby or B.) Save and go to Hawaii if and when my brother gets married (destination wedding).
This has been a huge learning experience for me. I am very prideful, and stubborn, but seeing the blessings now makes me feel so much better about our choices. We are still working on getting Scott license back (yeah... loooong story) but life feels good now. This really has been the best decision we have made so far for our little family, and I have gotten to know Scott's family so much better, which I absolutely love!
Now on a final note, this question comes up quite a bit NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT!! We are working on that and maybe in a few months I will have something to say about that, and I do have some fertility issues, but I'm willing to wait on the Lord for that one so it may be a while folks. Scott loves me so much, and is always serving me, and I want to be a bit selfish with him for a bit longer :).
We do want kids though... lots of them... with curly hair and green eyes...

So Totally LOST!!!

There are very few things in my life that I get so excited about that I can't sleep or eat, weddings, babies, trips, work stress, none of that compares to the anxious, nervous, want to throw up feeling I get about the T.V. show "Lost". I enjoy other shows, Gilmore Girls, Glee, Roseanne, but nothing compares to LOST. What I love about this show is how it sucks you in, and you get so incredible attached to the Characters. The fact that it's filmed in Hawaii, and everyone in the show is incredibly good looking (well almost everyone) doesn't hurt either.

http://abc.go.com/shows/lost/index

So for those who don't watch here is a quick (and I mean very quick) break-down of the show. There is a flight from Australia to Los Angles, crashes on a crazy island, with Polar bears, smoke monsters, a crazy french lady and "Others" who are trying to take children. The island was once used in the 1950's to store atomic bombs, and in the 1970's as a communal, peace/love re-treat, trying to build a new society, and change the world. The island is the main character of the show, it can cloak it's self, move, force people to leave and reappear in the middle eastern desert.
The show has these great flash backs, and flash forwards, that help you get to know the other characters better. After one show about a certain character, they become your favorite person on the show. You know about their past, why they were on the plane that crashed, how they ended up in Australia, who there parents were, why they do certain things, and if they get off the island or not.
The show has so much suspense!! Guns shooting, animals attacking, smoke monsters appearing. You never know what to expect.
The main characters lives all intertwine. One will have a beer in a bar with an others father who killed himself after hiring another to do a mob style job for them. You find out that two of the main characters have the same father, but they never know it! It's like a sci-fi soap opera.
The show leaves you hanging with so many questions, like, Where is Claire? She wasn't in the show at all last season even though the actress playing her still had her name in the credits! She just handed her baby over and walked into the jungle, into Jacob's cabin and hasn't been seen since. And what about Juliette, she basically sacrificed herself to save everyone, only to not die and still be alive in the end?!?
The great thing about the show is they have given and end date. You can only be stuck on an island for so long before becoming Gilligan right. The producers and creators have promised and answer to all the questions, and a nice little resolution. So there is no wondering if the show will return or not.
What I love the most about LOST is that I have gotten Scotty sucked in as well. Before I met him I owed season one, two and three. He wanted to watch them so he could be caught up and enjoy the show with me (what a sweetie). Scott is now totally obsessed with LOST as well. He will tell me when he sees previews while watching other shows, and has started a count down to February 2nd when the new, and final, season will start. Having him in on my little obsession makes in more fun. We have even talked about naming our children after some of the people in the show, Mathew Fox's character is named Jack Shepherd after all, and luckily they have normal names like Kate, Claire, John, Jack, James, Hurley and Sawyer so we're not thinking anything crazy here.
This is why I love good entertainment, it takes you to a place where you can let your imagination run wild and feel like a kid again in that sense, you learn to love people who are different, and learn about other cultures. You get to hope for a true love like they get, and a happy ending that resolves everything. This is the dreamer in me, however who doesn't want those things right, true love and a happy ending.
So don't call me or Scott on a Tuesday night until May, we've ran off to get LOST together :)

You're my only hope...

So I have had a feeling lately to put up a blog post, but I really have nothing going on in my or Scott's life really worthy of a blog post, but I do however have some random pics that I've never posted, let's see what stories they tell...
This is a terrible picture on my baby, we went to the Melting pot to celebrate New Year's, and the end of the busy season at work. This is our favorite place to go out celebrate at. It's a fondue restaurant, but it's so so yummy, we both just love it and save up to go there :)

These are my brother-in-laws Kyle and Nathan, they are red neck sledding, Kyle is driving the 4 wheeler pulling Nathan in the lid of a dog kennel, never a dull moment... Ellie the dog is helping :)

For the third year in a row Scott and I went downstairs at work and saw the Christmas lights on Temple Square. This is always a lot of fun, and you really only need about an hour to see everything. Plus we get free parking so it's a great date night.

Another picture from Temple Square, it was so pretty, really crowded, but pretty, I see this view every day, and it never gets old.

Another tradition Scott and I have is every year before Christmas we build a gingerbread house, we just buy the kit from the store, and they are great!! They come with candies, and frosting, and then on New Year's Eve, or Day, we smash it, eat some, toss it and clean up the mess. I have done this since I was a missionary in Binghamtom with the Parkers and their kids, I have a video of this I still need to show Scott. Scott and I have had such a great year, and I fall more in love with him everyday. I'm a really lucky lady. He makes me so excited for 2010!!