Morning Sickness

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I went to the Grocery store.  I found myself down the frozen meal section.  Having experienced being pregnant before I knew what I was in for, so I loaded my cart with frozen meals, not to mention the freezer meals I had made with my Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law back in September.  With Rivers my morning sickness started around 7 weeks, I would throw up all morning, and then randomly through out the day.  I lost 10 lbs.  I threw-up until I was 17 weeks, and was almost put on bed rest.  I was miserable.  I couldn't brush my teeth, or drink anything, or eat anything.  I was still working and pretending I was normal. 

This time around I'm a stay at home mom.  Rivers and I had a routine and we were happy.  While standing in front of the frozen meal section, I remembered.  I made a plan, extra cereal, lots of snacks, freezer full of frozen meals, I was ready. 

This pregnancy I wasn't throwing up as much.  I was thrilled!!  I was extremely tired, and hungry, but food turned me off.  A few weeks later began the nausea, then, later than I planned, the throwing up began.  Some days weren't so bad, some days it was uncontrollable.  Everyday I would check my pregnancy tracker on my phone, and everyday I would count how many days until I would enter my second trimester.  Well it finally did.  Only things got worse. 

I try to remember how much I wanted to have a second baby, and how hard I had to try, and how long I had to wait.  But when you're lying on the bathroom floor dry heaving those thoughts are hard to find.  Being a mom is the best thing I've ever done next to marry Scott.  I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to do.  Last night was really bad. I had given into some pretty big food cravings, some curly fries and a Jimmy Johns sandwich, three hours later that wonderful meal was saying hello again.  I was so mad! I usually cook at home, Scott and I rarely if ever eat out.  Which makes it even more frustrating since I spent good money on food to just watching go down the toilet.  Being on a tight budget I hate wasting money.  Last night was also a late one for Scott.  He had meetings and was getting things in order to cater his sisters wedding this weekend.  I felt so guilty as I started another episode of Mickey Mouse clubhouse for my 2 year old and ran back into the bathroom to throw up again.  I had to do dinner and baths and bedtime alone while being dizzy and light headed and crying.  I hated it.  After my sweet little man was tucked into bed I laid on the couch praying to feel better.  Every 20 minutes I laid on the bathroom floor praying for relief. 

Finally I took a shower.  Washed my hair and the sweat off of my stretching body.  Scott came home soon after and helped me get ready for bed, and brought me home some ginger ale.  Today I'm 16 weeks.  I'm eating very little and want white bread.  After naps I think we will make a trip to the store.  I made pizza dough (for mutual) and if I get the energy I'll make some cookies for mutual tonight. 

My biggest fear is that I have some how hurt the baby.  Then I cry.  I go see the doctor next Friday, where I will talk about this fear again. 

I have this talk often.