Having a son

 

Rivers has been my best buddy since he was laid in my arms.

We do everything together.

Go everywhere together.

I have loved having a son.

 

This Friday we will hopefully find out the gender of our second baby.

Scott and I are very excited.

But with all that excitement comes a bit of guilt for me.

 I have loved every minute of being Rivers mom, and I'm afraid of how

having a new baby will change our relationship.

 I'm also afraid of having a daughter, Rivers is my "mama's boy"

I'm the one he wants at bed time

the one he runs to when he's hurt

the one he looks for in the crowds

I'm the one he wants to share with

and I'm the one who he will compare every other woman to for the rest of his life.

 Having another boy would be easier.

I know what little boys like, and I'm a great mom to a boy.

Plus, matching sweater vest on Sundays.

 Maybe I should have thought about all this before having another baby.

My love for Rivers I'm sure will only multiply and that this second baby will steal my heart like their big brother did.

I never saw myself as a mother with a daughter.

Little girls are "daddy's girls" and I would love nothing more than to give that

to Scott, but the selfish part of me likes being the

important parent.

Having a girl scares me, I'm a girl, girls are mean

I work with Young Women at church, and I

see the way they see themselves and

the way the world sees them.

I'm just not sure if I'm up to the challenge.

 

I will be thrilled either way on Friday, and if by chance I have a girl I am sure I will be eating my words here. 

Part of me does want a little girl, to dress up and teach how to dress and apply make-up, and help pick out clothes and prom dresses.

 

Secretly I think this baby is a girl, and that is the reason I feel this way.

 

With Rivers I knew he was a boy, without a question or doubt.

This pregnancy has been so different from him.

 

Going by old wives tales, Rivers should have been a girl.

Tangy food, fast heart rate, prolonged intense, long morning sickness

but he was a boy. 

Also while pregnant with him my skin was so gross, I got hair on my face, and I was so sweaty. I also lost about 10 lbs with him

This pregnancy my skin is amazing, my hair and skin are really dry and I'm often cold.  I'm sure by July I'll be toasty warm.

This pregnancy I've had to have salty foods followed by sweets.

I've had mild morning sickness, only lost about 6 lbs.

This baby has a healthy heart rate, slower than Rivers, and I'm far more tired than I was with him.

Cravings have been insane this time around.  I crave it, eat it, don't want it again.

I can't stand chicken in any forms except tortilla soup from Cafe Rio.

I love green beans, tomato sauce, white breads, and dipping things.

It's so insane.  I'll want a big bowl of soup with lots of bread to dip into it.

Carrots and ranch dressing, Nutella and graham crackers,

cookie butter and pretzels.

Dip, dip, dip.

 

So those are my reasons for thinking baby is a girl. 

Anyway, I feel bad writing this and I'm debating about posting it.

Positive feedback please.

Tell me girls are sugar and spice and everything nice and that my fears

are so silly.

 

I'm also having lots of anxiety today and I'm not sure why.

I think it's all the stress I'm feeling for this week, lots of pressing appointments.

I hate having so many pressing things on my time.

All that plus finding time to play with my little man is always a priority

 



Valentines Day 2013

I love Valentines day, always have, even when I was single.
I love cookies, and chocolates, and flowers and seeing people share happiness.
It's even more fun now that I'm a mom.

Scott has class until 9 on Thursdays, and since Valentines fell on a Thursday this year I was prepared to spoil my little man all by myself! 

Scott and I have never celebrated Valentines day on the actual day.  Having worked in the food industry for all these years we never had a chance to celebrate on the 14th. 

One tradition we have is to buy half priced Valentines products the day after.  we get great chocolates and decorations for dirt cheap.  What can I say, we're poor and we we like to save money.

Here are a few pictures from mine and bubs Valentines day spectacular!!

 I started the week by baking this awesome red velvet bunt cake with cream cheese filling and cream cheese glaze.  I was 17 weeks on Tuesday and actually started feeling better.  I cooked and cleaned and baked.  It was glorious!!

 I surprised my guys with pink pancakes with Red raspberry syrup, and a small (and cheap) box of chocolates.  I also bought Rivers some Hot Wheels toy cars.  I like the give him a small gift every holiday, it's just fun.  My mom did it with me growing up and I think it's just fun.  Not day,hing ever cost more than $5.00 so it doesn't break the bank, and it's nice to know someone is thinking on you.

Rivers spent the morning driving his cars around and making car "trains" by lining them up end to end.  It made me happy to see him happy with his gift.

We spent the day doing the dishes (blah) and making cookies.  I had meant to do this the day before, but typical pregnancy symptoms made me low on motivation and a bit sick.  I still wasn't up to par on Valentines day, but I was so annoyed about feeling yucky I pretended I wasn't.  I did my hair, cleaned the kitchen, made cookies, went and visited daddy at school, went to the store, and got a pizza for dinner.  While at the store I picked up so fun Jones strawberry soda.  Me and Rivers spent the evening eating pizza and cookies, playing cars and watching Little Einsteins (his new favorite). 

Tonight Scott and I are going to the Ballet for our Valentines date, just the show case at the U, but still nice to go out with my hubby.  I also need to go buy some cheap chocolate.  Plus I have a doctors appointment today.  We also are going to drop off some cookies to our friends, better late than never right. 

I hope you all had a happy Valentines Day, I know I did :)

2 weeks until my Anatomy scan and hopefully baby shows us the goods so I can start shopping and planning :)

Morning Sickness

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I went to the Grocery store.  I found myself down the frozen meal section.  Having experienced being pregnant before I knew what I was in for, so I loaded my cart with frozen meals, not to mention the freezer meals I had made with my Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law back in September.  With Rivers my morning sickness started around 7 weeks, I would throw up all morning, and then randomly through out the day.  I lost 10 lbs.  I threw-up until I was 17 weeks, and was almost put on bed rest.  I was miserable.  I couldn't brush my teeth, or drink anything, or eat anything.  I was still working and pretending I was normal. 

This time around I'm a stay at home mom.  Rivers and I had a routine and we were happy.  While standing in front of the frozen meal section, I remembered.  I made a plan, extra cereal, lots of snacks, freezer full of frozen meals, I was ready. 

This pregnancy I wasn't throwing up as much.  I was thrilled!!  I was extremely tired, and hungry, but food turned me off.  A few weeks later began the nausea, then, later than I planned, the throwing up began.  Some days weren't so bad, some days it was uncontrollable.  Everyday I would check my pregnancy tracker on my phone, and everyday I would count how many days until I would enter my second trimester.  Well it finally did.  Only things got worse. 

I try to remember how much I wanted to have a second baby, and how hard I had to try, and how long I had to wait.  But when you're lying on the bathroom floor dry heaving those thoughts are hard to find.  Being a mom is the best thing I've ever done next to marry Scott.  I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to do.  Last night was really bad. I had given into some pretty big food cravings, some curly fries and a Jimmy Johns sandwich, three hours later that wonderful meal was saying hello again.  I was so mad! I usually cook at home, Scott and I rarely if ever eat out.  Which makes it even more frustrating since I spent good money on food to just watching go down the toilet.  Being on a tight budget I hate wasting money.  Last night was also a late one for Scott.  He had meetings and was getting things in order to cater his sisters wedding this weekend.  I felt so guilty as I started another episode of Mickey Mouse clubhouse for my 2 year old and ran back into the bathroom to throw up again.  I had to do dinner and baths and bedtime alone while being dizzy and light headed and crying.  I hated it.  After my sweet little man was tucked into bed I laid on the couch praying to feel better.  Every 20 minutes I laid on the bathroom floor praying for relief. 

Finally I took a shower.  Washed my hair and the sweat off of my stretching body.  Scott came home soon after and helped me get ready for bed, and brought me home some ginger ale.  Today I'm 16 weeks.  I'm eating very little and want white bread.  After naps I think we will make a trip to the store.  I made pizza dough (for mutual) and if I get the energy I'll make some cookies for mutual tonight. 

My biggest fear is that I have some how hurt the baby.  Then I cry.  I go see the doctor next Friday, where I will talk about this fear again. 

I have this talk often.

Hello Blog, are you there?

Dear Blog, I seem to have forgotten you... Again... It's nothing personal I promise, it's just lazy and my lack of desire.  Let's see, what can I share.

 On Thanksgiving we walked a 5K.  Bubs and I ran across the finish line together.  It was cute. 

 I finally broke down and gave Rivers a haircut.  I just love those curls!!

 Rivers learned to use the vacuum.  I have the cleanest floors ever!!

 Scott turned 30!!!  This is how he wanted to spend his birthday after finals,  He deserved it for having to have finals on his birthday.

 We went out for Japanese food to celebrate, Rivers LOVED it!!  I have better pictures, but his face here makes me laugh.  I'm glad we got it on film.

 We braved the cold and went and saw the lights on Temple Square, this is the 5th year we've done it, Well, it was Rivers 3rd time, but as a whole 5 years

 We survived the end of the world... Again...  I feel fine...

 On November 17 I found out I was pregnant!!  After trying for over a year, and battling fertility issues we are of course stoked!!  Finding out the gender March 1 if you want to place any guesses :) Due July 23

 Rivers is sleeping in a big boy bed.  Here he is pretending to sleep, again another funny face.  This is actually a funny story if you ever want to hear it.

 Rivers is silly... I'm not sure where his other arm went.

We went to the aquarium with our favorite cousin Emily, the kids had a blast!!

Rivers went sledding for the first time and loved it!! we've had so much snow! It's been a challenge to keep Rivers entertained.  Luckily he has an amazing daddy that enjoys spending time with him and is often more patient than me. 

I've been battling morning sickness, and 2 colds.  I don't get sick very often, but with this pregnancy it's all I can do to stay healthy.  I get frustrated with my morning sickness.  I have to work so hard to get pregnant then I have this horrible battle that makes me wonder why I make these choices.  It's getting better though, I'm always tired, and have to rest often.  I'm hoping in the next few weeks I'll be feeling human again.  It's been hard on my calling mostly.  I have meetings and mutuals, and family functions and just normal church , it makes for long Sunday's.

Scott is doing well.  He got another 4.0 last semester, and is applying for scholarships as well as internships.  We don't get to see him much during the week, and tutors part time.  He's awesome. 

Rivers is amazing as usual.  He loves to play with his friends and we are working on learning to read.  I know what you're thinking, He's not even 3 yet and your teaching him to read, well I think it's important.  With his birthday being in October he will turn 18 at the beginning of his senior year, and will be almost 19 when he turns in his mission papers.  This is fine, but I would like him to graduate early and be able to leave when he turns 18.  I'm going to do my best to make this happen.  At the end of the day serving a mission will be his choice, but at least I will have done everything I can to make it happen.  Luckily Rivers has a smart father who can help him with school work, and a mother who is supportive and understanding.  I've got a year to reach this goal so bring the reading on!  Also we are working on potty training, I think he's getting ready.  He can hold it now and make it to the potty, but he has to be naked.  I've got until to July to meet this goal.  I really don't want 2 kids in diapers if I can avoid it.

Well now that my computer and phone seem to be updated and in working order I'm hoping to update more and get back to my goal of blogging 3-4 times a week.