Lessons learned

I just wanted to take a minute and talk about some things I have learned this year. I know it's not quite the end of the year yet, but I feel I have grown so much just in this last year, if I don't write I'll burst. I have such an amazing husband, who loves me and honors me, and I have so much gratitude for him.
This year I learned how to actually humble myself. I am a very stubborn, independent person, and asking for help always makes me feel like a failure. I have always gotten by on my own, and been able to take care of myself, but now I have to think about not only what is good for me, but what is in the best interest of my husband. I may still feel like a failure, but Scott is happy, and in turn that makes me happy. Help isn't always bad, especially when asking for help brings you closer to a goal that will help your whole family and others as well.
I've also learned to let things go. The past is not worth re-living if it's going to hurt other people, but if you feel like reenacting a civil war battle I think that's good.
Speaking of the past, I've learned that my past is original, and that I have suffered much heartache, and envy, but I've learned I have a an amazing ability to embrace that past, but not dwell on it, to have a tragic history, but it's unique and colorful, I don't bring it up to get attention, but use it as a tool to help others. I have been truly blessed but my past.
I have also learned to love completely. I can be a pill, and so can my Scotty. For much of my life I never thought of myself as a person anyone would want to love, I'm mean, and opinionated, and pigheaded. I always felt in order to love me I needed to be fake, like people on TV or movies, or extremely beautiful in order to be loved. Scott loves me completely, and I love him so completely as well. I embrace his flaws, and odd characteristics, he loves me when I'm wrong and without make up. I have never felt so special in all my life as I do in his eyes.
I've learned to let people in. I think this goes along with asking for help in a sense. I am often closed off. I have had a fear for most of my life that if I let people in they will let me down and hurt me. Scott has taught me that not everyone leaves in the end. That trust is something not only earned, but upheld, and returned. And that people will like me even if I'm not the thinnest, or prettiest or smartest or funniest person in the room.
I'm still learning about the Lords timing. When I think I have this figured out I learn quickly that I don't. My life is miles away from where I thought it would be, but I don't know if I would like that life. Things are rough right now, but the important things are going as planned.
I have lived a charmed life, and I am grateful that I have these moments, and outlet, to reflect on it.
Happy Holidays everyone and know that you are in my thoughts and prayer :)