Not so Good, Very Bad...

I'm having a not so good, very bad... well few months really. Now I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity, just an outlet. I'm just un-happy right now, and it blows!!! And often I feel if I say anything I'm going to make someone or everyone upset. I hate being pregnant! I'm just going to come out and say it even though I feel that to some people by saying it I'm instantly a bad mother. I'm crying right now as I write this because I am posting to the entire world how much growing a child inside of me sucks, and I know that some people who read this are totally judging me right now as a terrible person.

I throw up twice a day.
I fall asleep all the time. (For those who don't know me well, I think sleep is a waste of time)
I haven't cleaned for about 2 1/2 months.
I hate to shower and only do it because I'm still shallow and worry about what other people think of me at the end of the day.
All I want to eat is french fries.
Everything around me stinks.
I have a pinched Sciatic nerve that prevents me from staying asleep.
I hate that I can't watch MTV or VH1 because it's blocked where I'm staying.
I hate how I look, because I have a bloated tummy, and my skin has broken out and I'm too lazy to do my hair.
I hate that I've lost weight, and I can't enjoy it because I should be gaining weight.
I hate my job because I have to walk around carrying almost heavy things all the time.
I hate how moody I am... all the time...
I hate that I have no one to talk to about this...

I want this baby more than anything, I really do, but I don't think I was made fully aware of how much being pregnant sucks. I feel like I am surrounded by cute pregnant girls, with a wondrous pregnancy glow excited to pick out baby clothes, and who don't get gas or indigestion, who's boobs don't feel like they are lugging around rocks, and are just so thrilled to be pregnant. I just want to feel normal again. To be happy and funny and grateful. I'm glad I have Scott because he cares and loves me, he wants to have a strong successful family and really has been my rock when I lie in bed at night crying myself to sleep.
Everyone keeps telling my how much better my second trimester is going to be, but I think that is just in hopes of keeping me from doing anything irrational (is irrational a word?), which let me just say I wouldn't do, so get that thought out of your heads!
I wish it was October already, I had the baby, a place to live, and my own space again.
I also hope I didn't bring anyone down :(
Babies are cute :)

12 Weeks :)

Let it be known that my husband is a terrible photographer!! I love him very much and I'm always proud of him, but I don't think he has ever used a camera in his whole life. With that being said, here are some pictures from my 12 week mark of pregnancy. Now I was concerned that I was showing a bit earlier than I thought, and I was sure this meant my baby was HUGE!! But the doctor (and the many books I've been reading) informed me that I'm short (duh) and with only 6 inches between my last rib bone and my hip bone, there is no where for this little nugget to go, these pictures were taken after dinner, so I'm hoping some of this is food baby related, but I have a nice little bloated bump that I like to pat :). Me and the baby are doing great, my doctor is awesome and tell me all the time how well I'm progressing and how healthy the baby is, which is every mother is always glad to hear.

Here I am concerned that Scott has forgotten all the instructions given to him on how to push a button and take a picture, I'm not standing up straight, so I look bigger than I am.

Take two, cardigan off, standing up straight, looking thinner and much happier.

I am amazed at how long my hair has gotten!! I'm always been blessed in the hair department, it's thick and dark with lots of volume when I want it, and it has always grown about an inch a month, but man those prenatal vitamins have totally kicked it up a notch! My skin has sadly started to break out, and so have my arms and back, which drives me crazy! Plus the smell of most lotions makes me queasy so I haven't been applying as much lotion as I have pre pregnancy, so my hands and legs are really dry. I got my appetite back this week, so now I'm starving every half hour, but I'm managed to lose 4 lbs by throwing up every morning and usually around dinner time.

Funny story... So last week I went to my brother-in-laws dance recital down at BYU. I was in a car full of Scott extended family when the baby decided that it didn't like it's dinner anymore and after we got off the freeway as we were about to enter Provo, the baby decided to make me blow chunks all over my father-in-laws car. The baby knew we were about to enter Provo and made me sick, this lead me to believe that the baby is a University of Utah fan. I texted my parents about this and my dad causally asked if Max Hall hates my baby. I thought this was too funny. Now I feel an education is and education were ever it is obtained so I'm not forcing my child to go to either school, and I don't want any rivalries on my blog, but I think the baby has made up it's mind.

We had a great check-up with the doctor this week and got to hear my little nuggets heart beat, which was totally awesome, but the little tyke kept moving away from the doctor, making her chase it down again for us to listen. I love my baby, it's already funny. Hearing the heartbeat was the coolest thing ever, and Scott looked so over joyed. I'm so glad he got to be there with me and experience this with me.

We have chosen a few names for mystery child, only I think we may wait until the sex is revealed to disclose that information, some know because it's not a secret, but I like the idea of a surprise to some extent :)

I'm hoping now as I enter my second trimester that I will have more energy and not be as sicky, which I was promised will happen since I am a text book pregnancy. Oh boy... or girl, whatever...