Lessons learned

I just wanted to take a minute and talk about some things I have learned this year. I know it's not quite the end of the year yet, but I feel I have grown so much just in this last year, if I don't write I'll burst. I have such an amazing husband, who loves me and honors me, and I have so much gratitude for him.
This year I learned how to actually humble myself. I am a very stubborn, independent person, and asking for help always makes me feel like a failure. I have always gotten by on my own, and been able to take care of myself, but now I have to think about not only what is good for me, but what is in the best interest of my husband. I may still feel like a failure, but Scott is happy, and in turn that makes me happy. Help isn't always bad, especially when asking for help brings you closer to a goal that will help your whole family and others as well.
I've also learned to let things go. The past is not worth re-living if it's going to hurt other people, but if you feel like reenacting a civil war battle I think that's good.
Speaking of the past, I've learned that my past is original, and that I have suffered much heartache, and envy, but I've learned I have a an amazing ability to embrace that past, but not dwell on it, to have a tragic history, but it's unique and colorful, I don't bring it up to get attention, but use it as a tool to help others. I have been truly blessed but my past.
I have also learned to love completely. I can be a pill, and so can my Scotty. For much of my life I never thought of myself as a person anyone would want to love, I'm mean, and opinionated, and pigheaded. I always felt in order to love me I needed to be fake, like people on TV or movies, or extremely beautiful in order to be loved. Scott loves me completely, and I love him so completely as well. I embrace his flaws, and odd characteristics, he loves me when I'm wrong and without make up. I have never felt so special in all my life as I do in his eyes.
I've learned to let people in. I think this goes along with asking for help in a sense. I am often closed off. I have had a fear for most of my life that if I let people in they will let me down and hurt me. Scott has taught me that not everyone leaves in the end. That trust is something not only earned, but upheld, and returned. And that people will like me even if I'm not the thinnest, or prettiest or smartest or funniest person in the room.
I'm still learning about the Lords timing. When I think I have this figured out I learn quickly that I don't. My life is miles away from where I thought it would be, but I don't know if I would like that life. Things are rough right now, but the important things are going as planned.
I have lived a charmed life, and I am grateful that I have these moments, and outlet, to reflect on it.
Happy Holidays everyone and know that you are in my thoughts and prayer :)

I've got one hand in my Pocket, and the other one is playin' a piano

So for the longest time Scott and I have really wanted to take my nephews out and do something fun with them, we finally go the chance this week when we took them the Gateway to go to the Discovery Children's Museum. Now I think I have the cutest nephews on the planet, feel free to argue, but I know you are just jealous :) Riley is my oldest nephew who is 6 (he is my step-nephew for those who are wondering, but I'll still claim him) and Tyler is my other nephew who is 2. They were so excited to go and Scott and I were really excited too, somethings are just more fun with kids. There are a ton of pictures in this post, so I'll try to keep the comments short.
This is Tyler, and he is very excited, this is the face he makes when you tell him to smile, and I just love it! By the way, he got into a kool-aid packet before arriving for our outing, so currently his hands and face are stained red, I think this is hilarious!

At lunch they handed out balloons to the kids, the boys loved this, and it created quite a distraction from our chicken nuggets...

Here is Riley in a helicopter they have there for the kids to play with. He thought this was so cool, and pretended to fly it.

Tyler liked it too!

I think this may have been the highlight of the trip today :)

They are building an earthquake proof house, and it fell... better luck next time.

They have this awesome room full of balls and tubes going all sorts of places, this one sucked the balls up, and every time it did Tyler would yell "Whoa!!" I thought it was the cutest thing ever!

He would empty the whole bucket, then go down and get more, and empty it again. He had so much fun doing this.

Riley was bit more fun, because he's older, here he is riding the life size fake horse they have there, he's such a ham for the camera.

Here he is at the top of the rock wall, again hamming it up!

Tyler loves water, his favorite was to pump the water and try to catch it.

He loves cars, here he's trying to drive away.

Finally her found one that moved, and after that we couldn't get him to leave, kids are so simple.

The water was a big hit!

back to the ball room, this place was just so amazing to them!

So this picture is funny, in the lobby they have this huge purple thing that you put coins on to roll down, and the coins go to help Primary Children's hospital, so I'm fine putting coins in it, but upon arriving and leaving you would have thought this was the reason we came, they loved this thing, I had to pull them away to go inside and play and pull them away to leave for home. If i invested in one of these things I'd make bank!

All in all it was a great day, and I hope to spend more time with my nephews like this again, they behaved really well for me and we only had one small break down when Tyler missed his nap time and was grumpy, but I think it was worth it. It's going to be so fun to have kids for them to play with, and dress up with and do fun things like this with. I love my family and the joy they bring into my life, and I'm excited for Scott to be a daddy because he's going to be such a wonderful father, teacher and leader to our children, and I will teach them how to compulsively wash their hands :)

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby!!

You know that saying "You can't win them all." Well what if you did win them all, and then one day realized that you haven't won them all. Confused, well so am I. I don't want to sound... conceded, but people have always liked me for the most part, I know there is a totally annoying part of my personality that completely bothers myself, but people have always liked me. I've always been able to make friends easy, and I try to have a wide range of interested so I can be able to hold a conversation with people. I also think I am very funny :) but recently I have found someone that dislikes me. Now I've always told myself that not everyone has to like me, but everyone has, and I am really having a hard time with this. I have found myself agreeing with this person, and taking their side of conflicts, even though I don't totally agree, I just want this person to like me, and I feel like I'm cheating myself a bit. Well now that I think about it, I'm sure not everyone has always liked me, but I have never felt this need to make someone like me before. I find myself thinking about what I'm going to say, and stories to tell, and if they still don't want my company I think of ways of telling this person off. This is consuming my thoughts, and effecting my well being. Maybe I'm just crazy! What I should do is sit down and confront this person, except I'm practically paralyzed by fear of confrontation.
I think there is an episode of Seinfeld, where Jerry's girlfriend hates George, and he goes crazy trying to make her like him, that's what I feel like. Does anyone have any advice on how to win people over, because I have tried everything in my bag of tricks, and it's not working
On a different note, we've moved and bought a new car, so I'm feeling pretty on top of the world right now, my toes are warm, and I never have to worry about getting to and from work, which really is all I ever wanted out of life, Scott is working really hard to make me comfortable here at his parents house, which I don't think he needs to do, because they have a very comfortable home, Scott has set up our room to feel like home, and given my precious clothes and place to stay. I'm feeling pretty good right now. We're getting excited about the Holidays and Christmas shopping done. I think we are both looking forward to a bit of 'normality' in our lives.