Baby #2

March 1, 2013 We got to go see our new little bundle of joy.

 It clearly was an evil alien from first glance

 But it was a little BOY!!!

And we are thrilled.  There was so much stress that day.

I was so excited I think I made myself sick,

then I got a message from the hospital telling me they needed to reschedule,

then I called them back.

After being on hold for 20 minutes I finally got through and they informed

me that one of their machines was broken, but that I could still come in

so I did. Then Right before we dropped Rivers off at the Neighbors,
He fell, bite is tongue, and got a huge bruise on his arm,
and I couldn't find any clean clothes.
My stress level was high.

 

I had to wait over an hour to go in, by this point baby was asleep.

So, they couldn't get clear shots of what they needed

plus I hadn't eaten for a while.

 

They could hear his heart beat, but couldn't get any clear pictures, so I have to go back April 1.

They (ulstrasound tech and staff doctor), told me not worry,

but of course I am.

 

I'm having trouble just thinking if they could see the heart, and hear the heart isn't that enough?

Guess not.

So everyday when I feel him move I sigh relief that at least he's still alive.

 

 I'm not upset if there is anything wrong, more worried about the quality of

life my little man could have.

Having a "healthy" baby was never really my concern.

Hear me out here, I was always fine if my babies had diabilities or developmental set backs,

Babies are a miracle in any form.

I always just wanted a baby that was "alive"

 

So my concerns now are for his aliveness.

So as long as his little heart is beating, I'm perfectly happy.

 I already love him so very much'

19.5  weeks, still sick, but feeling more human.
I still throw up often and can't sleep
Rivers is so sweet.
When I tell him
"Mommy is sick" He replies,
"Mommy I sing the ABC's song and you feel better?"
and then proceedes to sing for me.
I wish it was that easy,but I love his sweet little spirit for wanting his mommy to feel better.

I'm so grateful that I'll get two sweet little boys
 

Here is the first picture of my guys together, ok not really.

Rivers is on the top and little brother is on the bottom

I definatly see a family resemblance.

Half way there to meet the newest man in my life.

 



Having a son

 

Rivers has been my best buddy since he was laid in my arms.

We do everything together.

Go everywhere together.

I have loved having a son.

 

This Friday we will hopefully find out the gender of our second baby.

Scott and I are very excited.

But with all that excitement comes a bit of guilt for me.

 I have loved every minute of being Rivers mom, and I'm afraid of how

having a new baby will change our relationship.

 I'm also afraid of having a daughter, Rivers is my "mama's boy"

I'm the one he wants at bed time

the one he runs to when he's hurt

the one he looks for in the crowds

I'm the one he wants to share with

and I'm the one who he will compare every other woman to for the rest of his life.

 Having another boy would be easier.

I know what little boys like, and I'm a great mom to a boy.

Plus, matching sweater vest on Sundays.

 Maybe I should have thought about all this before having another baby.

My love for Rivers I'm sure will only multiply and that this second baby will steal my heart like their big brother did.

I never saw myself as a mother with a daughter.

Little girls are "daddy's girls" and I would love nothing more than to give that

to Scott, but the selfish part of me likes being the

important parent.

Having a girl scares me, I'm a girl, girls are mean

I work with Young Women at church, and I

see the way they see themselves and

the way the world sees them.

I'm just not sure if I'm up to the challenge.

 

I will be thrilled either way on Friday, and if by chance I have a girl I am sure I will be eating my words here. 

Part of me does want a little girl, to dress up and teach how to dress and apply make-up, and help pick out clothes and prom dresses.

 

Secretly I think this baby is a girl, and that is the reason I feel this way.

 

With Rivers I knew he was a boy, without a question or doubt.

This pregnancy has been so different from him.

 

Going by old wives tales, Rivers should have been a girl.

Tangy food, fast heart rate, prolonged intense, long morning sickness

but he was a boy. 

Also while pregnant with him my skin was so gross, I got hair on my face, and I was so sweaty. I also lost about 10 lbs with him

This pregnancy my skin is amazing, my hair and skin are really dry and I'm often cold.  I'm sure by July I'll be toasty warm.

This pregnancy I've had to have salty foods followed by sweets.

I've had mild morning sickness, only lost about 6 lbs.

This baby has a healthy heart rate, slower than Rivers, and I'm far more tired than I was with him.

Cravings have been insane this time around.  I crave it, eat it, don't want it again.

I can't stand chicken in any forms except tortilla soup from Cafe Rio.

I love green beans, tomato sauce, white breads, and dipping things.

It's so insane.  I'll want a big bowl of soup with lots of bread to dip into it.

Carrots and ranch dressing, Nutella and graham crackers,

cookie butter and pretzels.

Dip, dip, dip.

 

So those are my reasons for thinking baby is a girl. 

Anyway, I feel bad writing this and I'm debating about posting it.

Positive feedback please.

Tell me girls are sugar and spice and everything nice and that my fears

are so silly.

 

I'm also having lots of anxiety today and I'm not sure why.

I think it's all the stress I'm feeling for this week, lots of pressing appointments.

I hate having so many pressing things on my time.

All that plus finding time to play with my little man is always a priority

 



Morning Sickness

Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I went to the Grocery store.  I found myself down the frozen meal section.  Having experienced being pregnant before I knew what I was in for, so I loaded my cart with frozen meals, not to mention the freezer meals I had made with my Mother-in-Law and Sister-in-Law back in September.  With Rivers my morning sickness started around 7 weeks, I would throw up all morning, and then randomly through out the day.  I lost 10 lbs.  I threw-up until I was 17 weeks, and was almost put on bed rest.  I was miserable.  I couldn't brush my teeth, or drink anything, or eat anything.  I was still working and pretending I was normal. 

This time around I'm a stay at home mom.  Rivers and I had a routine and we were happy.  While standing in front of the frozen meal section, I remembered.  I made a plan, extra cereal, lots of snacks, freezer full of frozen meals, I was ready. 

This pregnancy I wasn't throwing up as much.  I was thrilled!!  I was extremely tired, and hungry, but food turned me off.  A few weeks later began the nausea, then, later than I planned, the throwing up began.  Some days weren't so bad, some days it was uncontrollable.  Everyday I would check my pregnancy tracker on my phone, and everyday I would count how many days until I would enter my second trimester.  Well it finally did.  Only things got worse. 

I try to remember how much I wanted to have a second baby, and how hard I had to try, and how long I had to wait.  But when you're lying on the bathroom floor dry heaving those thoughts are hard to find.  Being a mom is the best thing I've ever done next to marry Scott.  I just wish it wasn't so hard for me to do.  Last night was really bad. I had given into some pretty big food cravings, some curly fries and a Jimmy Johns sandwich, three hours later that wonderful meal was saying hello again.  I was so mad! I usually cook at home, Scott and I rarely if ever eat out.  Which makes it even more frustrating since I spent good money on food to just watching go down the toilet.  Being on a tight budget I hate wasting money.  Last night was also a late one for Scott.  He had meetings and was getting things in order to cater his sisters wedding this weekend.  I felt so guilty as I started another episode of Mickey Mouse clubhouse for my 2 year old and ran back into the bathroom to throw up again.  I had to do dinner and baths and bedtime alone while being dizzy and light headed and crying.  I hated it.  After my sweet little man was tucked into bed I laid on the couch praying to feel better.  Every 20 minutes I laid on the bathroom floor praying for relief. 

Finally I took a shower.  Washed my hair and the sweat off of my stretching body.  Scott came home soon after and helped me get ready for bed, and brought me home some ginger ale.  Today I'm 16 weeks.  I'm eating very little and want white bread.  After naps I think we will make a trip to the store.  I made pizza dough (for mutual) and if I get the energy I'll make some cookies for mutual tonight. 

My biggest fear is that I have some how hurt the baby.  Then I cry.  I go see the doctor next Friday, where I will talk about this fear again. 

I have this talk often.

Hello Blog, are you there?

Dear Blog, I seem to have forgotten you... Again... It's nothing personal I promise, it's just lazy and my lack of desire.  Let's see, what can I share.

 On Thanksgiving we walked a 5K.  Bubs and I ran across the finish line together.  It was cute. 

 I finally broke down and gave Rivers a haircut.  I just love those curls!!

 Rivers learned to use the vacuum.  I have the cleanest floors ever!!

 Scott turned 30!!!  This is how he wanted to spend his birthday after finals,  He deserved it for having to have finals on his birthday.

 We went out for Japanese food to celebrate, Rivers LOVED it!!  I have better pictures, but his face here makes me laugh.  I'm glad we got it on film.

 We braved the cold and went and saw the lights on Temple Square, this is the 5th year we've done it, Well, it was Rivers 3rd time, but as a whole 5 years

 We survived the end of the world... Again...  I feel fine...

 On November 17 I found out I was pregnant!!  After trying for over a year, and battling fertility issues we are of course stoked!!  Finding out the gender March 1 if you want to place any guesses :) Due July 23

 Rivers is sleeping in a big boy bed.  Here he is pretending to sleep, again another funny face.  This is actually a funny story if you ever want to hear it.

 Rivers is silly... I'm not sure where his other arm went.

We went to the aquarium with our favorite cousin Emily, the kids had a blast!!

Rivers went sledding for the first time and loved it!! we've had so much snow! It's been a challenge to keep Rivers entertained.  Luckily he has an amazing daddy that enjoys spending time with him and is often more patient than me. 

I've been battling morning sickness, and 2 colds.  I don't get sick very often, but with this pregnancy it's all I can do to stay healthy.  I get frustrated with my morning sickness.  I have to work so hard to get pregnant then I have this horrible battle that makes me wonder why I make these choices.  It's getting better though, I'm always tired, and have to rest often.  I'm hoping in the next few weeks I'll be feeling human again.  It's been hard on my calling mostly.  I have meetings and mutuals, and family functions and just normal church , it makes for long Sunday's.

Scott is doing well.  He got another 4.0 last semester, and is applying for scholarships as well as internships.  We don't get to see him much during the week, and tutors part time.  He's awesome. 

Rivers is amazing as usual.  He loves to play with his friends and we are working on learning to read.  I know what you're thinking, He's not even 3 yet and your teaching him to read, well I think it's important.  With his birthday being in October he will turn 18 at the beginning of his senior year, and will be almost 19 when he turns in his mission papers.  This is fine, but I would like him to graduate early and be able to leave when he turns 18.  I'm going to do my best to make this happen.  At the end of the day serving a mission will be his choice, but at least I will have done everything I can to make it happen.  Luckily Rivers has a smart father who can help him with school work, and a mother who is supportive and understanding.  I've got a year to reach this goal so bring the reading on!  Also we are working on potty training, I think he's getting ready.  He can hold it now and make it to the potty, but he has to be naked.  I've got until to July to meet this goal.  I really don't want 2 kids in diapers if I can avoid it.

Well now that my computer and phone seem to be updated and in working order I'm hoping to update more and get back to my goal of blogging 3-4 times a week.