June 9th!!!

My little Nugget gets a gender and a name on June 9th!! Viewing the polls today I see we are split even with 5 for girl and 5 for boy. Both Scott and I have had dreams about a boy, although I have also had dreams about twins and taking the baby out and holding it, so really what do dreams mean. To prepare for for the up coming excitement of finally knowing what to shop for we are taking a trip to Moab this week, a nice break from work and cold weather, and a chance for the yet identified nugget to spend so time out doors.
The polls will close June 8th, get you votes in now!!!

Happy Mother's day!!

So I realize my last post was a bit of a downer, but that's why I like to blog, not to make people feel bad for me or get praise, but because every so often a woman needs an outlet, and this is mine. I feel so blessed in my life that I can feel these emotions, and have these experiences no matter how hard they are, because I really do think that I wouldn't appreciate the joys I get in life as much.
As Mother's day approaches I have so much more love for my mom and mother-in-law than I have ever before, and I believe it is because I am now understanding what it means to be a mother for the first time in my life.
As much as I struggle with carrying this baby, I find a certain joy and wonderment at what it's life will hold in store. I'm starting to feel it move, and I don't think there are any words to describe that feeling when I first realized that I was feeling another person, not myself, for the first time. I am a giver of life, and everything I do and eat has an effect on someone else and their well being.
My child is incredible.
I like to go online and learn things about my baby at this stage of it's development, it's changes every day. It has eye browns and eye lashes, ears, it's sensitive to light and dark, it can now suck it's thumb and move it's hands and legs. My diet has changes dramatically. After studying about the process in which most of our food, especially meats, go through I find it hard to put those things in my body. It has been fun, I'm experimenting with organic recipes and vegan dishes (no judgements, I know God gave us cows to eat, but the stuff they give the cows can not be good for us or created by God.) I want my baby to have the best everything, and that includes foods and nutrients.
I am so blessed to live in a time with options that allow me to figure out what's best for me and my family. Also eating this way has improved my mood, and helped me to figure out what the baby does and doesn't like, and kept me from being a food zombie who just sticks food in my mouth with no disregard for what's in it.
I still throw up yes, I'm still achy and sore yes, but my mood is better, and I have so much more energy. My boss thinks it's because I've moved into my second trimester, and that might be part of it, but I think what I'm eating has helped so so much.
I am thankful for the Mother's in my life that help me and teach me, who love me and support me. I love my mom and Mother-in-law so much that I don't think I would be able to love anyone without them in my life. I only hope that I'm as good of a mom as they are.
I get to go to the doctors on Monday, and I'm so excited because my mom gets to come, and also my parents are going to Mexico and we get to stay at their house while they are gone, which will be nice to have some privacy, room to spread out, and I think Kyle will enjoy not having me bug him everyday :). After that, I get to go to my Disneyland, MOAB!!! Moab is seriously my favorite place in the world, and Scott has never been there. I'm so excited to show him the hikes and the views and the great trails and restaurants and entertainment. It's going to be so much fun and Scott needs a vacation so bad, and I want to go hiking before I'm too big and uncomfortable to enjoy it. This came at just the right time!! Vacations are such a blessing.
Well this post is much longer than I thought it would be, so I will sign out now, have a Happy Mother's Day everyone :)

Not so Good, Very Bad...

I'm having a not so good, very bad... well few months really. Now I'm not looking for sympathy, or pity, just an outlet. I'm just un-happy right now, and it blows!!! And often I feel if I say anything I'm going to make someone or everyone upset. I hate being pregnant! I'm just going to come out and say it even though I feel that to some people by saying it I'm instantly a bad mother. I'm crying right now as I write this because I am posting to the entire world how much growing a child inside of me sucks, and I know that some people who read this are totally judging me right now as a terrible person.

I throw up twice a day.
I fall asleep all the time. (For those who don't know me well, I think sleep is a waste of time)
I haven't cleaned for about 2 1/2 months.
I hate to shower and only do it because I'm still shallow and worry about what other people think of me at the end of the day.
All I want to eat is french fries.
Everything around me stinks.
I have a pinched Sciatic nerve that prevents me from staying asleep.
I hate that I can't watch MTV or VH1 because it's blocked where I'm staying.
I hate how I look, because I have a bloated tummy, and my skin has broken out and I'm too lazy to do my hair.
I hate that I've lost weight, and I can't enjoy it because I should be gaining weight.
I hate my job because I have to walk around carrying almost heavy things all the time.
I hate how moody I am... all the time...
I hate that I have no one to talk to about this...

I want this baby more than anything, I really do, but I don't think I was made fully aware of how much being pregnant sucks. I feel like I am surrounded by cute pregnant girls, with a wondrous pregnancy glow excited to pick out baby clothes, and who don't get gas or indigestion, who's boobs don't feel like they are lugging around rocks, and are just so thrilled to be pregnant. I just want to feel normal again. To be happy and funny and grateful. I'm glad I have Scott because he cares and loves me, he wants to have a strong successful family and really has been my rock when I lie in bed at night crying myself to sleep.
Everyone keeps telling my how much better my second trimester is going to be, but I think that is just in hopes of keeping me from doing anything irrational (is irrational a word?), which let me just say I wouldn't do, so get that thought out of your heads!
I wish it was October already, I had the baby, a place to live, and my own space again.
I also hope I didn't bring anyone down :(
Babies are cute :)

12 Weeks :)

Let it be known that my husband is a terrible photographer!! I love him very much and I'm always proud of him, but I don't think he has ever used a camera in his whole life. With that being said, here are some pictures from my 12 week mark of pregnancy. Now I was concerned that I was showing a bit earlier than I thought, and I was sure this meant my baby was HUGE!! But the doctor (and the many books I've been reading) informed me that I'm short (duh) and with only 6 inches between my last rib bone and my hip bone, there is no where for this little nugget to go, these pictures were taken after dinner, so I'm hoping some of this is food baby related, but I have a nice little bloated bump that I like to pat :). Me and the baby are doing great, my doctor is awesome and tell me all the time how well I'm progressing and how healthy the baby is, which is every mother is always glad to hear.

Here I am concerned that Scott has forgotten all the instructions given to him on how to push a button and take a picture, I'm not standing up straight, so I look bigger than I am.

Take two, cardigan off, standing up straight, looking thinner and much happier.

I am amazed at how long my hair has gotten!! I'm always been blessed in the hair department, it's thick and dark with lots of volume when I want it, and it has always grown about an inch a month, but man those prenatal vitamins have totally kicked it up a notch! My skin has sadly started to break out, and so have my arms and back, which drives me crazy! Plus the smell of most lotions makes me queasy so I haven't been applying as much lotion as I have pre pregnancy, so my hands and legs are really dry. I got my appetite back this week, so now I'm starving every half hour, but I'm managed to lose 4 lbs by throwing up every morning and usually around dinner time.

Funny story... So last week I went to my brother-in-laws dance recital down at BYU. I was in a car full of Scott extended family when the baby decided that it didn't like it's dinner anymore and after we got off the freeway as we were about to enter Provo, the baby decided to make me blow chunks all over my father-in-laws car. The baby knew we were about to enter Provo and made me sick, this lead me to believe that the baby is a University of Utah fan. I texted my parents about this and my dad causally asked if Max Hall hates my baby. I thought this was too funny. Now I feel an education is and education were ever it is obtained so I'm not forcing my child to go to either school, and I don't want any rivalries on my blog, but I think the baby has made up it's mind.

We had a great check-up with the doctor this week and got to hear my little nuggets heart beat, which was totally awesome, but the little tyke kept moving away from the doctor, making her chase it down again for us to listen. I love my baby, it's already funny. Hearing the heartbeat was the coolest thing ever, and Scott looked so over joyed. I'm so glad he got to be there with me and experience this with me.

We have chosen a few names for mystery child, only I think we may wait until the sex is revealed to disclose that information, some know because it's not a secret, but I like the idea of a surprise to some extent :)

I'm hoping now as I enter my second trimester that I will have more energy and not be as sicky, which I was promised will happen since I am a text book pregnancy. Oh boy... or girl, whatever...

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

So this is going to be a very similar post to last year, because it is yet again my birthday!!! I had a great birthday this year, even though I wasn't as excited about it as I have been in years past, not because I don't like aging, but because I have little desire to leave my bed or bathroom right now, it makes getting excited and planning things a bit difficult. I only managed to take a few pictures, which I mad at, but these are the best pictures if I was going to take any that day.
This picture would not rotate and I was getting so mad at it!! S0 everyone just tilt you heads a bit, and you will see my wonderful hubby Scott. He got up early to wrap my gifts and to make me so breakfast (German Pancakes Yummm). Scott hates to shop for me, because he claims I'm too hard to shop for, which is true, but I always love what he gets me, so he really has no reason to worry

So this is a "Domo" a fun little toy from Asia, and you can collect all 15, out of everything I got this was Scott's favorite gift to give, he will be in every picture, and now lives in my car :)

Here is Domo eating my new book from my favorite author, Scott knows me so well, and I finished my previous book the day before so a new book was a great idea

New book and Domo

I also got some pretty earrings and a new jewelry box. We joked that this will only hold a small amount of jewelery compared to what I own, but it'll be so pretty on my night stand or dresser :)

I am really a spoiled girl, and I really am just fine with that.

My birthday was pretty low key, after breakfast we went to lunch with my Grandparents, and that is always fun, I wish I would have taken a picture with them. Then I got to come home and take a nap, then we watched the Syracuse NCAA game, until it was apparent they weren't going to win even though that was all I wanted for my birthday. After that we we went to Tucano's where I got my free birthday meal, and dessert, they make you stand on the chairs while they sing to you, it was so fun, and I love Tucano's!!! After that we strolled around the mall and did some lite shopping before heading home where I went to bed early. I know boring right, but it felt so nice to just have a relaxing day to sleep and eat.

I got a few other gifts for other people. My parents and Grandma gave me a great set of new pots and pans, which are wayyy nice, my best friend got engaged, and my manager gave me some earrings, and my in laws gave me a movie and some candy (I got a BIG Christmas gift, so a small gift was just right :)). All in all it was a great birthday, and I feel very loved and lucky, and thanks again for all the birthday wishes!

All apologizes

So... Turns out with that last post I was waaayyyyyy off, and I would like to take this time to retract a comment that was made. So... It turns out I AM Pregnant!!!! Only as of February 8th I was unaware even though I had all the signs. Now I'm not super far along, only about 8 weeks, but I was able to get into see my doctor this early, which was a relief to me since they informed me that doctors like to wait until you're 12 weeks, but with mine and my family medical history they wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was OK. It was really neat, and we got to see the heart beat!!!! Next visit we will be able to hear the heart beat :) The baby is due October 25, which is 7 months from my birthday so I'm totally stoked about that! The baby is 6.5cm and I can already tell is super cute and smart :)



Here is out little Nugget!! So I'm not sure how to really make this work, so this is a picture of a picture, I know you computer geeks out there would totally be able to make this much better, but I'm just not one of you, although I do envy you and want to be one, maybe, someday...

Being Pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be. So I started out fine, just a bit more tired than usual, in wondering awe at all the insane changes to my body, then I started my 7th week, where I threw up everything I ate, or even thought about eating. All food tastes like blood and/or vomit. Now I have been trying to be sensitive to those ladies out there who can have babies, and would love to feel this way, but at the end of the day, at this stage anyway, the bads often out weigh the goods. I pee all the time, I'm dizzy (worried about that, doc says it's all good), I cry over everything which I hate, I'm forgetful, and moody... it's like an amped up PMS really, only with all day sickness and actually getting fat rather than just looking bloated for a few days. My boobs are huge, I'm bordering on porn star here. My face broke out, tooth paste makes me hurl, I can't stand tight clothes, or shoes, and those who have known I was pregnant before now always want details. I'm not talking about my visit to the OB/GYN with anyone but my mom and my husband thank you very much!! But I'm still trying to be sensitive to those still trying, so this will be my only rant on the trials of pregnancy, it just feels good to get it out of my system. Anyone who is offended please wait to tell me until after the baby is here about, oh, a year or so since I can't control to water works I'll be sobbing too much to apologize.

Here I am at 6 weeks, and my wonderful, loving husband, who only wanted to play piano and not take a decent picture of his wife, played photog here, hence why I look like I'm lined up to be shot. This was the best picture he took. Good thing I've got many more week for him to practice. But like I said I only look slightly bloated. All my clothes fit, and I've found some cool things like bra extenders, and belly bands which are to help keep me in my "normal" clothes longer so I don't have to buy maternity clothes as early.

I am super excited to be a mommy, and I know that Scotty is going to be the best daddy ever.
He has been so excited since he found out, and has worked hard to make me feel better and comfortable. On the plus side when I saw my doctor she gave me a prescription for some drugs to help with the throw ups, which has been a huge life saver and helped me work. I am exploring all my options in the labor/delivery process. I'm a hippie by nature, I want whats best for me, and my baby, not what everyone else thinks will be best. I will read books, only from those with a non-bias point of view if you feel so inclined to add your two cents :) and I don't mind doing laundry, so cloth diapers (for at home not for when others have to deal with it) are also on the table (look into it saves money and no diaper rash!!).

I can't believe how much my life is changing, the same day I saw my baby for the first time I also went to help my best friend look for wedding dresses. I still feel half the time like I'm still in high school trying to fit in, and somehow I have a whole grown up life going on. I am excited for these changes in my life. It all just makes me feel old.

Well I have to pee, so I'm going to end here :)

Update!!

So for those of you who aren't aware, Scott and I have been living with his parents since November. Scott and I both have decent jobs, and a lot of nice things, way more than we need, and the decision to move in to his parents home was a hard one for me. Scott and I were at Subway one afternoon, and we've been talking about having kids, and when we wanted to start a family, plus we knew our lease for our apartment would be up soon. Now Scott and I have never had a problem paying bills, we just weren't getting ahead, we were paying the minimum amount due, and just stuck in a rut. Our Jeep and Altima broke down and we were bus bound, and when Scott first said "Maybe we could move in with one of our parents?" My first thought was, "Are you crazy!?!" I take pride in the fact that I have been taking care of myself since I was about 16, and beside my parents house is way too small. That afternoon Scott called his parents, and October 31 we moved in (plus our landlord raised our rent to a ridiculous amount). Now I have struggled a bit living with Scott's family, I try to make sure I shower later, so if I take a longer shower no one is bothered, and that I get up after Kyle, (still in high school) but early still before Allison (about to go away for school.. well she's left by now, but at the time she went to work after me) needed to use the bathroom. I just wanted to be as out of the way as possible, I wanted to be invisible. Scott didn't seem to mind, but this is his family. I also found that I don't watch as much TV, and I'm less messy. I'm not a social as I was when we lived alone either.
Now the best part of my story is still to come. We paid off the Jeep, almost sold the Altima (which was a free car to begin with, only wanted what we put into it), bought a new, nice, reliable car. Paid off both credit cards, the debit I had with Target and Kay jewelers (Scott wedding band, I got way behind and charged a ton of interest, oops) and made bigger payments so far on the new car. Plus we started saving, ready for this, $200.00 a month so we can either A.) Payoff baby bills when we have a baby or B.) Save and go to Hawaii if and when my brother gets married (destination wedding).
This has been a huge learning experience for me. I am very prideful, and stubborn, but seeing the blessings now makes me feel so much better about our choices. We are still working on getting Scott license back (yeah... loooong story) but life feels good now. This really has been the best decision we have made so far for our little family, and I have gotten to know Scott's family so much better, which I absolutely love!
Now on a final note, this question comes up quite a bit NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT!! We are working on that and maybe in a few months I will have something to say about that, and I do have some fertility issues, but I'm willing to wait on the Lord for that one so it may be a while folks. Scott loves me so much, and is always serving me, and I want to be a bit selfish with him for a bit longer :).
We do want kids though... lots of them... with curly hair and green eyes...