Lessons learned

I just wanted to take a minute and talk about some things I have learned this year. I know it's not quite the end of the year yet, but I feel I have grown so much just in this last year, if I don't write I'll burst. I have such an amazing husband, who loves me and honors me, and I have so much gratitude for him.
This year I learned how to actually humble myself. I am a very stubborn, independent person, and asking for help always makes me feel like a failure. I have always gotten by on my own, and been able to take care of myself, but now I have to think about not only what is good for me, but what is in the best interest of my husband. I may still feel like a failure, but Scott is happy, and in turn that makes me happy. Help isn't always bad, especially when asking for help brings you closer to a goal that will help your whole family and others as well.
I've also learned to let things go. The past is not worth re-living if it's going to hurt other people, but if you feel like reenacting a civil war battle I think that's good.
Speaking of the past, I've learned that my past is original, and that I have suffered much heartache, and envy, but I've learned I have a an amazing ability to embrace that past, but not dwell on it, to have a tragic history, but it's unique and colorful, I don't bring it up to get attention, but use it as a tool to help others. I have been truly blessed but my past.
I have also learned to love completely. I can be a pill, and so can my Scotty. For much of my life I never thought of myself as a person anyone would want to love, I'm mean, and opinionated, and pigheaded. I always felt in order to love me I needed to be fake, like people on TV or movies, or extremely beautiful in order to be loved. Scott loves me completely, and I love him so completely as well. I embrace his flaws, and odd characteristics, he loves me when I'm wrong and without make up. I have never felt so special in all my life as I do in his eyes.
I've learned to let people in. I think this goes along with asking for help in a sense. I am often closed off. I have had a fear for most of my life that if I let people in they will let me down and hurt me. Scott has taught me that not everyone leaves in the end. That trust is something not only earned, but upheld, and returned. And that people will like me even if I'm not the thinnest, or prettiest or smartest or funniest person in the room.
I'm still learning about the Lords timing. When I think I have this figured out I learn quickly that I don't. My life is miles away from where I thought it would be, but I don't know if I would like that life. Things are rough right now, but the important things are going as planned.
I have lived a charmed life, and I am grateful that I have these moments, and outlet, to reflect on it.
Happy Holidays everyone and know that you are in my thoughts and prayer :)

I've got one hand in my Pocket, and the other one is playin' a piano

So for the longest time Scott and I have really wanted to take my nephews out and do something fun with them, we finally go the chance this week when we took them the Gateway to go to the Discovery Children's Museum. Now I think I have the cutest nephews on the planet, feel free to argue, but I know you are just jealous :) Riley is my oldest nephew who is 6 (he is my step-nephew for those who are wondering, but I'll still claim him) and Tyler is my other nephew who is 2. They were so excited to go and Scott and I were really excited too, somethings are just more fun with kids. There are a ton of pictures in this post, so I'll try to keep the comments short.
This is Tyler, and he is very excited, this is the face he makes when you tell him to smile, and I just love it! By the way, he got into a kool-aid packet before arriving for our outing, so currently his hands and face are stained red, I think this is hilarious!

At lunch they handed out balloons to the kids, the boys loved this, and it created quite a distraction from our chicken nuggets...

Here is Riley in a helicopter they have there for the kids to play with. He thought this was so cool, and pretended to fly it.

Tyler liked it too!

I think this may have been the highlight of the trip today :)

They are building an earthquake proof house, and it fell... better luck next time.

They have this awesome room full of balls and tubes going all sorts of places, this one sucked the balls up, and every time it did Tyler would yell "Whoa!!" I thought it was the cutest thing ever!

He would empty the whole bucket, then go down and get more, and empty it again. He had so much fun doing this.

Riley was bit more fun, because he's older, here he is riding the life size fake horse they have there, he's such a ham for the camera.

Here he is at the top of the rock wall, again hamming it up!

Tyler loves water, his favorite was to pump the water and try to catch it.

He loves cars, here he's trying to drive away.

Finally her found one that moved, and after that we couldn't get him to leave, kids are so simple.

The water was a big hit!

back to the ball room, this place was just so amazing to them!

So this picture is funny, in the lobby they have this huge purple thing that you put coins on to roll down, and the coins go to help Primary Children's hospital, so I'm fine putting coins in it, but upon arriving and leaving you would have thought this was the reason we came, they loved this thing, I had to pull them away to go inside and play and pull them away to leave for home. If i invested in one of these things I'd make bank!

All in all it was a great day, and I hope to spend more time with my nephews like this again, they behaved really well for me and we only had one small break down when Tyler missed his nap time and was grumpy, but I think it was worth it. It's going to be so fun to have kids for them to play with, and dress up with and do fun things like this with. I love my family and the joy they bring into my life, and I'm excited for Scott to be a daddy because he's going to be such a wonderful father, teacher and leader to our children, and I will teach them how to compulsively wash their hands :)

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby!!

You know that saying "You can't win them all." Well what if you did win them all, and then one day realized that you haven't won them all. Confused, well so am I. I don't want to sound... conceded, but people have always liked me for the most part, I know there is a totally annoying part of my personality that completely bothers myself, but people have always liked me. I've always been able to make friends easy, and I try to have a wide range of interested so I can be able to hold a conversation with people. I also think I am very funny :) but recently I have found someone that dislikes me. Now I've always told myself that not everyone has to like me, but everyone has, and I am really having a hard time with this. I have found myself agreeing with this person, and taking their side of conflicts, even though I don't totally agree, I just want this person to like me, and I feel like I'm cheating myself a bit. Well now that I think about it, I'm sure not everyone has always liked me, but I have never felt this need to make someone like me before. I find myself thinking about what I'm going to say, and stories to tell, and if they still don't want my company I think of ways of telling this person off. This is consuming my thoughts, and effecting my well being. Maybe I'm just crazy! What I should do is sit down and confront this person, except I'm practically paralyzed by fear of confrontation.
I think there is an episode of Seinfeld, where Jerry's girlfriend hates George, and he goes crazy trying to make her like him, that's what I feel like. Does anyone have any advice on how to win people over, because I have tried everything in my bag of tricks, and it's not working
On a different note, we've moved and bought a new car, so I'm feeling pretty on top of the world right now, my toes are warm, and I never have to worry about getting to and from work, which really is all I ever wanted out of life, Scott is working really hard to make me comfortable here at his parents house, which I don't think he needs to do, because they have a very comfortable home, Scott has set up our room to feel like home, and given my precious clothes and place to stay. I'm feeling pretty good right now. We're getting excited about the Holidays and Christmas shopping done. I think we are both looking forward to a bit of 'normality' in our lives.

So THIS is love!!!

Here is an event that took a year to happen!! So for our first anniversary we wanted to go out of town, but with our lack of car for the moment, and with our tight income we thought we'd just go out to a nice dinner and celebrate at our apartment before we move. But my incredible husband, pulled a few strings and got us a nights stay the homestead in Midway. WE had a lot of fun, we spent the day in Park city, and then did all the touristy things in Midway. We had a ton of fun, and I can't believe my Scott pulled it off, he even got my mom in on it, and she let us borrow her car for the weekend. I am so blessed with a great family and a loving wonderful husband who never fails to amaze me. Here's to many more anniversaries to come :)

Prime Rib dinner, so good and Scott was soooo happy!

Our hotel room, I didn't post the picture, but the bathroom was incredible, and I loved the King size bed.

Me on the Apline Slide, part of our day in Park City, it was really fun!!

Brunch at our hotel, the food was so good, and we had such a nice table over looking a duck pond. The food was great and everything was so nice.

The top of our wedding cake!! We brought it with us and it was really good, the frosting didn't taste as fresh as it was a year ago, but the cake was super delicious. We are so cute, I'm not one for anything traditional, but this was fun. My Scott has turned me into such a "normal" housewife-type-person. I don't hold it against him, and it's a welcome change, I'm just surprised to see the change in myself. I have enjoyed being married more than I could have ever thought. My life isn't just about me anymore, I love my husband more than anything in the world, and my life is coming together in a very traditional way.

She wears high heels I wear sneakers

Well... I have regressed in my progression as an adult. As of November 1st I will be living in South Jordan with Scott and his parents. Now I am extremely grateful for this, the benefits out way the disadvantages by far, it's just hard to suck up my pride and ask for help. Now Scott and I financially are just fine, we have been able to save money and do some incredible things, but we are in debt and this is making other things more difficult, and we know people that get by on way less than we have, but it would be nice to pay off bills instead of managing them. Also this way we can have a bigger place for when we have children, which we aren't having yet, well I don't think yet. Scott's parents have a very nice house, and lots of storage, so our plan is to stay there during the winter, sell our cars, and buy a new car, which I think Scott did today actually, get out of debt, and have a baby. This decision was very hard for me, I feel completely defeated. I haven't lived at home since I was 18, moving home was just never an option for me and I have just always made things worked, but I don't get the just think about myself anymore. After much debate, and searching and praying we have decided to humble ourselves and make the best decision for our future. On an up note, next week is out ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! I'm so excited, being married has been the best, and I love my Scotty so so much. Well I think you know what my next post will be about :)

Don't stop believin'

So our blog is just really boring right now, we have nothing to write about and haven't done anything since going to the zoo. I do work a lot, and I'm hoping that writing right now will save my sanity. Now everything else I'm going to talk about is from work, I want no one I speak to regularly to be upset, I am using my blog as my writing outlet. I have had so many thoughts and feeling lately and I have so much fear of upsetting people that I will often just keep everything inside until I just sit and cry. I don't think many people read my blog until I say something that people don't like, then I spend months feeling guilty about what I think and feel even though it wasn't even the person upset and I can't seem to make it better. See lots of babbling will be taking place here today.
Now I work in a restaurant, so I expect to some degree for people to be selfish, I am there to serve them and make them happy. But ladies are by far the worse. I feel like half the time I am teaching people etiquette. Now at lunch if you are in a rush I say leave the office with the people you are dining with, this way you don't have to lecher me on how hurried you are, and how your friend will be here any minute, and that you must eat now and tip me poorly because you just didn't plan well, and then when your friend finally does arrive don't sit for another hour holding my good table from others who might be willing to open their wallets instead of being tight fisted like yourself. Also, if you walk up and see a restaurant that it is full, don't be surprised when you are told we are on a wait. Believe it or not you are NOT the only one who thought about dining here, and when you finally do get sat, don't think that you are the only one being served, we have a full restaurant and your server is going to be serving other people. Often your waitress will have 5-6 other tables that are just as bossy and needy as yourself.
Now I don't like to talk about my job. Mainly because I don't really like it, and I don't have anything positive to say, I just happen to be really good at it. I think most people feel this way about their jobs, they are just not honest about it. I don't think many of us would choose to wake up and do what we have to do every day. I think we would all like to sleep and hang out with our families and friends, and do nothing. I make good money as a waitress, and like I said I'm good at it. I make old ladies love me, grumpy men laugh at me, I'm quick, efficient, and I know how to do my job to the very best of my ability, don't give me your bad day.
Also in my job I get to serve many church leaders, some good some bad. These men are just people with important callings, they like to go out with their wives, dine with their families and eat dessert and drink cokes with out being bothered. I want a good tip so please don't pester them.
I have talked about tips quite a bit in this post so lets get some things straight. Industry standard is 18%-22%, anything less than that is an insult. You sit there and do nothing, I get you drinks, soups, salads, pastas, meats, and desserts. You can ask me for more water, and new silverware, a different drink, new food if it's not what you expected, but I don't make soda syrup, I don't cook the food or make the soups or salad, my job is to make sure it gets to your table with out spilling all over you, some food takes longer to cook, salad can be tossed much faster than a steak takes to cook and if we have a full restaurant every one's food will take a minute to make, I can't control that, all I ask for is 20% of you bill. The math is easy, and usually not that much more than what you are already spending. Now Yes food should be fast, but if you want fast food, there are many establishments that carter to this need better than a sit down, course by course restaurant.
Well, I feel a lot better. If anyone is still reading this, I'm sorry if I said anything harsh or insulting, this my blog after all and you came here to hear my thoughts, and I did warn you in the beginning. I'm also sick of apartment hunting, and having a dirty house, and having to work overtime every week just to make ends meet and to help my my husbands dreams come true. I'm a good wife, and I work hard to take care of my husband, I'm sick of not having a decent running car, and planning for the future, I like living in the here and now! I'm also sick of feeling more than I can take, and not being able to do anything about it. I sometimes feel like I'm shouting at wall! I am very happy right now, my life is nearly perfect, and I think that is why I get so angry sometimes, we need the bad to appreciate the good, we need to evil to know what is right, we need the sad to understand the happy, and really that is what I think is going through my mind right now, I just needed and outlet.
I hope no one is angry and that everyone enjoys conference I know I will I'm so excited to snuggle with Scott and pig out while hear the voice of our prophet, sadly we'll have to miss Saturday session, but Sunday is all ours. :)

All I wanted was a simple way of life!

This last week has been boring, and I really haven't gotten anything to post. All we do is apartment hunt, work and well that's it, now I'm not announcing anything, and I'm not sure what we are planning, but I think Scott and I ready for a family. We are dirt poor, and we can't afford anything, our cars aren't working, and we are honestly not ready for this, but we both feel that if we wait, we will always be waiting. This might be what we need to do to work harder, and save our money more. I'm not asking for opinions, but I know people worse off than we are with kids and I know that we just need to put this in the Lords hands. On a plus side we may have found a place to live that is still within our ward, and is about $150 less than what we are currently paying. It is smaller, but it's a duplex with one bedroom and an unfinished basement we could make into my owe personal Huge walk-down closet. With that much space downstairs we would have more storage, and, in turn, be able to live in a smaller space. So the renter is a first time renter and she has received so many applicants that she is being selective, but as it turns out she is an inactive member of our ward, and knows a lot of members, who happen to love us!! So everyone keeps dropping in and putting in a good word for us, so we are just hoping and praying that she picks us to rent out the duplex. So our lives are changing constantly, and I'm just trying my best to keep up. I'm just putting my faith in the Lords hands now, and letting whatever happens happen, knowing that this is what the Lord wants. If we get the duplex, great if not, it's time to move on, out of our wonderful ward, and if we get to stay all that much better.
And on top of this, my hair has already grown like an inch and I think it's time to cut in again, I really like this short hair stuff. Scott really like it too, there is much less hair in the bathroom, and he never has long brown hair on his shirts any more, or the car or the couch, or anywhere. So again, who knows what's going to happen. So if you all could pray for us, and continue to be supportive that would be great. Again, we are not having a baby, well not yet :)