Halloween 2013

This is my favorite Holiday!  I love stretching it out for a few weeks.

Earlier this year we planned to be a family of pirates for Halloween, but I asked Rivers one day what he wanted to be, and he looked at me and said "A tater tot".  I thought, he's just being a silly little boy and brushed it off.  Then others asked, and I asked again, and Scott asked and the answer was always the same "A tater tot",  I was now faced with the challenge of making a tater tot costume.  I searched the web, and most of what I found was pictures of small children dressed at potatoes, hence, tater Tot.  This wasn't what I had in mind.  A friend of mine found a blog with a tutorial for her older daughter that also wanted to be a tater tot, I'll have to find it and post it, but it was just perfect!  

A tan pillow case, quilt batting, spray paint and a glue gun later, this is what I ended up with.  At our ward trunk or treat people thought he was cereal, but when I got it all finished I think he turned out pretty awesome.  I did have to tell people what he was, but that didn't matter, he loved that mom made him a tater tot costume.  To go with that, Oliver was corn on the cob.

My dear friend Merrilee gave this too me, it was perfect!

We also carved pumpkins, and went to the pumpkin patch.  

It was a lot of fun.  On Halloween night we planned on going trick or treating around our neighborhood, but due to my lack of cooking skills we ended up going down to Scott's folks house and went around their neighborhood.  Rivers had a blast!  By the second house he realized they had candy and suddenly it was a rush to get to the next house.  He also saw a group of older kids running across the street and told grandpa "Those boys are naughty, we don't run in the street."  Such is the life of a city kid.  I love this time of year, and it has been such a fun experience this year with my boys

Rivers turned 3

I am still in amazement that my little boy is 3!!

Last year, Rivers friend Jane had a birthday party, ever since then Rivers has wanted a birthday party of his own, and 

after Oliver was born, he kept asking "to party with Jane and Lucas". 

Scott and I talked about it and since having a new brother has been hard on him, we felt we could thrown Rivers a small party for his friends.  

The first person he wanted to invite was his cousin Emily.

He was so cute walking around the neighborhood delivering

the invites.

 We kept the party pretty simple.  I did a semi Monsters Inc. party, we decorated cookies to look like monsters, played pin the eye on Mike and ate PB&J and monster ice cream.

The kids had the most fun playing with balloons and toys, and of course eating the candy and frosting for the cookies.

Rivers wanted muffins instead cupcakes.

 Look at that guy!! crazy hair and all! I hope he knows how much he means to me, my world would be so sad without him.

Yes, I plan to take a picture like this every year.

 Happy Birthday Rivers McKean!  I love your huge head, crazy hair, fun personality, energy, imagination, skinny body, adventurous spirit, sensitivity, and big heart.

5 years

5 years ago I married my best friend Scott Shepherd

He makes me laugh harder than anyone I know.
He cares for me.
He takes care of me.
He has the best smile, and the brightest eyes.

He loves the Lord, and honors his covenants.
He is the most amazing father.
He is kind and patient.
He is the most amazing person I've ever met.

Scott puts up with my craziness.
Scott loves me when I'm not easy to love.

And I love him.

Here's to eternity...

5 years, 4 callings, 3 moves, 2 kids, 1 love.

Thanks for every thing, every day, every moment.  

C-section vs. Vaginal delivery

So I'm waiting online currently for a chat person to help answer some questions and the wait time is 17 minutes.  I decided to take this time and quickly post about my experience with these two different forms of delivery.

Rivers was a typical vaginal delivery, and Oliver was a planned c-section due to being breech.

Rivers: Due date:October 25, 2010
          Arrival: October 24, 2010.  Vaginal

Oliver: Due date: July 23, 2013
          Arrival: July 17,2013.  Cesarean section

Both boys were early, Oliver by about a week, this is because he was breech and my doctor wouldn't schedule c-sections before 39 weeks.

Rivers: started labor 5:00 am on the 23, delivered 5:36 the following day.  Labored at home for 12 hours until my water broke, only dilated 1 cm when arrived at hospital, pushed from 2:00 AM until he came out at 5:36.  

Oliver: checked in at 6:00 AM on the 17, surgery scheduled for 7:30.  Born at 8:05.

Pain control:

With Rivers I had an epidural, with Oliver it was a spinal.  I hated the epidural, it hurt getting and made me shaky.  I was in so much pain for so long by this point I wanted as much pain relief as I could get as fast as I could get.  I think I took too much because I was numb in my right leg for about a day after Rivers was born, and it made it more difficult to push.  Plus getting the epidural hurt and left a huge bruise on my back.

With Oliver it was surgery so I had the spinal which felt like a tiny bee sting, it was higher on my back, and felt quite pleasant.  It worked fast and wore off quickly after the surgery.  I loved the spinal.

Recovery:

The biggest challenge I had recovering with Rivers was going poop after.  TMI I know, but I thought I was going to die!  I was super tired after having Rivers, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that I pushed for nearly 4 hours.  I was up walking a few hours after his birth, and was given typical pain killers.  By 6 weeks I had no bleeding, and felt largely normal, maybe a little fat and my boobs were sore from nursing.

With Oliver I was given 2 types of painkillers and they kept them on a pretty good schedule so I never got uncomfortable.  It took longer to get up and walk, and I nearly passed out the first time and had to get wheeled back to my room.  Getting in and out of bed and going to the bathroom was the worst!  I bled until 5 weeks.
I was surprised by how much bleeding I had after the c-section.  since the baby didn't come out the traditional way i didn't think there would be any.  I still had the same no swimming for 6 weeks rule, as well as all the other things you can't do before 6 weeks, like exercising and such.  Every now and then my incision will hurt, and often my stomach muscles are sore.  It's all very manageable.  

Postpartum:

With Rivers I got really bad PPD.  No one really talks about it, but there were days when all I could do was feed him, dress him and change his bum, and I did all this so people wouldn't think I was a bad mother.  Rivers had colic and cried a lot.  Some days I couldn't stand to look at him and I cried a lot.  I hate those memories, some of my darkest days.  By 12 weeks postpartum I felt better and was able to be the mother I wanted to be, but it was a long dark road.

With Ollie I haven't had any of those feelings.  I have felt like singing on the top of a mountain.  I love everything he does, he eats so well, sleeps so well, loves to snuggle and is generally a good baby.  He would eat all day if I let him.  He doesn't like to be around a lot of people and gets overwhelmed easy.  I feel really good. Maybe it was because I was prepared for the worse after having a rough first baby, but my attitude is generally more upbeat this go around.  I feel very blessed about that.  


So, which would I chose as a form of having babies?  Neither.  Both kinda suck, I could only imagine how miserable having a baby would be if you went into labor, labored for a while, then had a Cesarean.  I also was never induced so I have no comparison for that.
I really doubt I'm going to have anymore babies.  I have 2 great little boys and I have the challenge of raising strong worthy future priesthood holders and I think that's enough of a challenge for me to face in this lifetime.  Many people have asked about trying to have a girl, and I'm sure I would love a daughter, but I think I'll be okay if I didn't have girl.  I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.  I might be changing my tune in a few years, but I don't think Scott could handle another pregnancy, and I don't know if I could handle another delivery.  I hate feeling helpless, and incapable.  Plus, the morning sickness, and the kidney stones, and the back pain, and the lack of sleep.  No thank you, I'll just sit back and enjoy my family of four.    

One thing I never want again in a breech baby.  My poor little Ollie has had so many problems due to being breech for so long.  I am not in a place to talk about it much right now, it's nothing life threatening, and he is currently developing mentally and physically normal so don't worry about that, but if any readers out there could keep him in your prayers I would appreciate that.  I need some good vibes over here :)

Oliver's Birth

I've wanted to post about my sweet Ollie's birth, mainly so I won't forget it.

With Oliver, unlike Rivers, it wasn't some sort of waiting game like most deliveries, we had a set date and time that he would be born.  As I mentioned in the previous post I was ready to be done with this pregnancy.  I was also completely worried about Rivers care while I was having the baby.  Rivers is a particular child with a set routine, and I'm always certain that no one can take care of my children as well as I can.  This was causing me a lot of anxiety.  I feel that my Heavenly Father really knows me and he knew that unless I was forced to have a c-section I wouldn't do it, and also knowing what a planner I am He found a way for me to plan Oliver's birth and Rivers care.  

Having the c-section really wasn't that bad.

On the morning of July 17, 2013 Scott and I woke up at an unearthly hour that has now become familiar.  My Operation time was 7:30 AM and I had to check into the hospital at 6:00 AM. I had a grumpy pre-op nurse who kept complaining about how early she had to be there.  She missed the vein and hit a valve while putting in my IV giving me a lovely bruise.

This was after being home for about 2 weeks.  This bruise is gone now, but it stuck around for a nice long time.  

Before surgery I tried to relax by watching some TV, but I was a nervous wreck, and felt like throwing up.  I was scared, I'd never had any type of surgery before.  I talked with my Doctor and signed all the paper work and they walked me in to the operating room.  By this point I was crying.  I remember this nice nurse trying to introduce herself to me as the nurse who would be taking care of and cleaning up my baby when he was born, but I was crying so bad I don't remember much of what she said.

After that I got the spinal, which compared to the epidural was amazing.  Small little poke on my mid back and everything went warm.  My anesthesiologist was really great, and was the same on my doctor had when she had her c-section for a breech baby a year before, another reason I loved my OB/GYN.

They poked me to see if I was numb and then got started.  Oliver came out pretty quickly and they rushed him to the clean up room and began putting me back together.  To the right of me was a window where I could watch what was going on and I sent Scott in to get pictures.  After that I began to drift off.  I was warm and numb and the doctors were talking amongst themselves.  a few minutes later Scott walked in (crying) holding our sweet little boy who was wrapped up so tight, looking around.  Then I cried.  After I was all stitched, glued, and stapled up I was moved of the operating table into a hospital bed and I went on my way to postpartum.  

I spent 3 days in the hospital, which was like a vacation.  I didn't have to cook or clean, I got to pick what I wanted to watch on TV, they brought me food when I asked, I got to sleep when I could.  It was pretty nice. 

 My view, sleeping baby, sleeping hubby, watching the news.  They kept my pain pretty controlled.  My nurses were great, and the hardest part was getting in and out of bed.  I was able to eat that night, and go to the bathroom on my own.

One thing I want to make sure I remember is that while still in the recovery room they left me try to nurse.  Oliver latched on right away and we had no problems.  He ate well from day one and by 2 days old my milk came in and we've had no problem, well except that he eats all the time!  I'm aware he is growing a lot right now, but Rivers never ate like this.  He is rather gassy like his brother, and I'm sure that is my fault.  I can't figure out what I'm eating that is giving/gave my boys gas, but I have become an expert on getting the gas bubbles out so I'm not too stressed.

Shortly after we came home Scott had to get back to work at the fireworks tent he ran for the summer.  River spent 3 days with his grandparents and I spent those days with my sweet new man.  I loved those days.  Ollie and I just ate, slept and snuggled all day.  I'm always been kind of selfish with my babies, and I will treasure those days that it was just the 2 of us.  I loved sleeping with my baby on my chest.  We watched late night TV, and enjoyed wonderful food from the people in our ward.  Oliver's birth has really been wonderful, and he's also quite wonderful.

And we're pretty smitten with each other.

Oliver Eugene!!!

We welcomed our second little man on July 17, 2013

Stats:
Born: 8:05 AM
Weight: 6 pounds 10 ounces
Height: 21 inches

We got us another long skinny baby!  He is just a perfect slice of heaven, and I am enjoying him a little too much!!

Oliver was born breech, via a planned c-section.  We discovered he was breech around 35 weeks and I tried everything to get the little stinker to turn, but he's stubborn and after the horrible pregnancy I had to endure, having a set date and time came as a relief.  I'll post another post about the whole c-section vs. vaginal birth later, for now enjoy some pictures of my sweet boy.

 T minus 10 hours until hospital check in.  39 weeks, with a total weight gain of 13 pounds.  It was a rough pregnancy...

 Ollie came out bum first, and peed everywhere!!  BTW they rounded his weight up to 10 ounces.

 Look at that angel face!  He's so yummy!! 

 Meeting his big brother.  They get along well enough, some days certainly are better than others.  I feel like Rivers is louder now somehow.

 This kid has some seriously long fingers!! We need to invest in a piano for sure

Oliver really is a dream baby, he eats well and latched on while I was still in recovery.  My milk came in within 2 days and when Ollie is done eating he sleeps.  He only cries when hungry or uncomfortable.  I never knew babies could be this way!!  Rivers struggles to latch, and had colic and was a poor eater, and still is.  I try not to compare my kids, but it's hard since they really are so different.  

I feel like Oliver is my reward for a terrible pregnancy, a colicky first born and the need for a c-section.  He really is just this perfect little man sent to me from heaven.  

He is a perfect fit into our family and I'm so so so grateful to have him.  We are still adjusting, but he is just a dream!!

This Pregnancy

Has been terrible.

Now I know that there are plenty of women who have it worse, and I should just continue keeping my mouth shut, but we all know I can't.

Scott and I decided to try for a second child about 6 months before I became pregnant.  Those were dark months for me.  Every month I wasn't pregnant I was sad and angry.  The logical side of me understood that getting pregnant quickly doesn't happen often, even though it did with Rivers.  I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks after getting called to be the Young Women's President.  Scott and I just laughed and considered it a blessing to finally be pregnant after getting called into such an overwhelming calling.  

About a week later the morning sickness started.

I was sick through Thanksgiving, Scott's birthday, Christmas, New Years, Valentines day, and St. Patrick's day.  Around 17 weeks I wasn't getting sick as much, and by 20 weeks I was finally past the sickness phase.  Those were celebrated days, with walks and zoo visits and fun.  

At 23 weeks I got kidney stones, not just once, but at least 3 times.  I spent the month of April in misery and discomfort while being drugged up and Scott was preparing and taking finals.  I spent hours crying and praying for comfort. Finally, they passed and my doctors and I had decided to overhaul my lifestyle to figure out why I was having the problems I was having.  

Through out all of this the baby has been fine.  I was pre-diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.  No sugary drinks, low fiber high protein diet, no dairy, no eggs, no "trigger" foods that may hurt my tummy.  This is often easier to talk about than do.  After all this my OB did some blood work and found out I was anemic.  

I have had to take a ton of pills and vitamins.  

I finally feel better, and I've been able to be the mom and wife and YW's president I wanted to be.  

While at the doctors last week my doctor felt around and is pretty sure the baby is breech.  I have to get him to turn!!  On July 1 I'll have an Ultrasound and we will get a better picture of the baby.  If he hasn't turned by 38 weeks I will likely have to have a c-section.  Not thrilled.  I have felt so discouraged.  I feel like it is just one thing after another with this pregnancy.  I have had just set back after set back.  

I have wanted this baby for so long, and I feel like this was the absolute worse time to get pregnant.  I feel bad for all the hardship I've put my husband and son through.  

Prayers are welcomed at this time as it never hurts to have more prayers on my side.  

I also welcome any tips for turning him.  

I'm ready for this all to be over....